How To Justify Your Existence

Today the DNS offered me the new, revamped charge nurse position, which I cheerfully accepted. Someone at work mentioned that this practice has become common; of requiring people to reapply for positions when the terms are changed. I guess I should have been more confident about the process.

Isaac Asimov wrote stories about a men's club called the Black Widowers which had periodic dinners. New prospective members were always put on the spot and required to speak on one specific topic: "How do you justify your existence?" Now I know how they felt, or would have felt had they been actual people instead of fictional characters.

I'd like to go back and reread those stories. I might get some new ideas.

The new staffing schedule won't start until about October. In the meantime I am allowing my native early morning waking pattern to gradually reassert itself. I'm also planning to spend some time getting organized so my extensive cooking is done on days off and I won't need to cook at night or go out to eat too much. I might use the slow cooker over night and make items that freeze well.

Today I carried out my plan to try making "Mushrooms and Dumplings" in lieu of "Chicken and Dumplings," which I miss. The mushrooms were good, and the vegetables and broth were good. I used miso as the main broth ingredient, and lots of garlic and onions, as well as sauteed mushrooms, and the dumplings were good. But [as meat-lovers would predict] it just wasn't the same. Score one for chicken afficionados. Score zero for the chickens.

I haven't yet thrown in the towel. I doubt that would add the right flavor. I'm just going to have to let my ideas simmer for awhile.

Liberty, Equality, Fraternity

The motto for the French Revolution. Too bad some of that fraternity didn't extend to the people under the guillotine.

Liberty: tonight my schedule of working every other weekend revolved a little more, possibly due to a month with five weekends. For the first time in about a year I was able to attend the gathering at Gig Harbor tonight, on the second Saturday. I've missed that house, the people, that fellowship so much.

Two youth played guitar and sang prayers and Baha'i writings. Suddenly I found myself transported back to the house in Pullman where I used to hang out with the Baha'is, and the first time I experienced that particular, indescribable feeling of fellowship and unity. Naturally I fell in love with all the Baha'is. I guess that happens a lot.

Liberty: yesterday I interviewed with the Director of Nursing for the Charge Nurse position at work; one that I already hold but which is being revamped. I felt it went astoundingly well, and was able to talk about many challenges I had faced that turned out well in the end. The DNS mentioned that she liked my Letter of Interest [which I have to say was elegant but blunt. (Previously posted.)] I no longer feel that my job is so threatened. I have felt so supported by everyone's friendship and prayers. So that's a feeling of release.

Liberty: tonight I mentioned my stress level during the eating and chatting portion of the gathering, and some of us spoke about the concept that what we think determines how we feel. If only my thoughts were fewer and simpler, and it was easier to root out which thoughts or assumptions were at the cause of which feelings. My thoughts tend to whirl around as I imagine my life as I know it swirling down the drain. But I have a place to start, anyway.

"The reality of man is his thought."

~'Abdu'l-Baha

P.S.: Chris, I found my wallet in my car.

Baha'i' Men

This poem came to mind after returning home from Feast yesterday evening. I've known so many wonderful Baha'i men most of my life. I also think of the Black Men's Gathering, which, being neither black nor male, I don't have the privilege to attend, but which, if you listen to their recordings, reflect some of these qualities.

The poem is not to imply these qualities are not found in people of other religions or no religion, or that Baha'is are superior in any way. Practicing the principle of gender equality seems to make people more whole and balanced. Spiritually focused people, however you define that, tend to be more whole, more alive. Knowing them is such a gift.

For some reason, when I wrote the last line, I burst into tears.

Baha'i Men

Baha'i men--
They are lighthearted,
They take nothing lightly.

Baha'i men--
They laugh out loud.
They laugh with their wives,
They don't laugh at them.

Baha'i men--
They pray, play music, cry,
Write poems, camp out, sing out,
Build fires.

Baha'i men--
They bring their children
Home.

Friends and Food

About 20 years ago we became friends with another couple from our birthing class. The husband was a vegetarian, and they used to have us over for dinner and cook wonderful vegetarian food. One evening I had them over for a Greek-type dinner with lentil soup, hummus and Greek pita bread, and so forth. When we sat down the husband asked me if I used beef broth in the soup, which I had to admit I had. I was so chagrined, though he was very kind about it. To cook like a vegetarian, it's necessary to, at least temporarily, to think like one.

Tonight I was speaking with two sisters at Feast, who seem to take medications for a variety of ailments. I informed them [kindly] that it would possibly ease some of their symptoms to avoid animal-sourced foods such as meat and dairy products. I referred them to The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. They said the very thing I said the night before I gave up animal sourced foods: "Oh, I'm too emotionally attached to meat! I could never give it up!" I said, if I could give up animal sourced foods, anyone can.

About ten years ago my former husband stopped eating my chili when he read the label on the package of chorizo. Today I looked at it in the store to refresh my memory. Chorizo contains:
pork salivary glands, lymph nodes, fat, cheeks, tongues, vinegar, pork, salt, spices and sodium nitrite. The beef is the same, only with beef.

I'll have to look up Soyrizo for comparison next time I see it.

Smiling . . . Or Not

My father did not believe in God. It was his assumption that belief in God robs people of personal responsibility. I don't agree, but I respect his opinion.

My father and I were not very close. It's hard to get close to someone when you are poised to run for your life. His personality was powerful and he was physically large. I've had more leisure, since his passing, to reflect on and recognize our similarities. As I age I'm getting in touch with my inner crank.

At the devotional meeting yesterday, a wonderful little lady related her experience as a smiling, happy person; she just feels better when she's happy. I may have had some spontaneous joy as a child but I learned to suppress it. I was surrounded by very intelligent people. Critical thinkers tend to be critical. I formed the opinion that happy people are shallow and artificial. Realistic people realize that there isn't too much to be happy about in the world.

When Peg commented on happiness, I thought of a nurse at work who was a barmaid for many years. Now she spends a lot of time hugging and kissing on residents in a more or less revolting way. Some she treats as a sort of pet. I want to say, we're not in a bar any more. But her outstanding quality is that she seems sincerely happy and there is always a smile on her face.

When I come to work my extreme level of focus shows as a frown. Under what circumstances would a smile come naturally to my face?

Basic Beans and Rice

I cooked some brown rice today and ate it with the black beans I made previously, with cumin, coriander, basil, dill and sea salt stirred into the beans, which I heated in the microwave. I added raw sliced tomatoes and chopped onion on top of that. It makes a good, basic hearty legume and grain dish. The chopped raw tomatoes and onions are something my husband puts on top of his rice and lentils. [He also adds quantities of olive oil. When it comes to excessive oil you can just leave me out.]

I'm pondering signing up for a Cornell University online class based on the book The China Study by T. Colin Campbell.

With prayers and with support from friends at work I'm feeling less like a target is on my back with this planned rearrangement of hours and duties of the charge nurses, and having to reapply for my own job. I'm realizing it may not just be about Me, Al Franken. I'm not crazy about it, and I don't know what will happen next, but I'm not being assassinated by my own adrenaline.

This sounds silly, but I bought a coloring book [adult level] the other day.

What's wrong with the world when the word "adult" has lost its innocence and has come to mean "pornographic" or "virtually pornographic'? A perfectly good adjective has become unavailable, hijacked by the entertainment industry.

Also studying the Kitab-i-Iqan with a study guide.

Lentil Soup Recipe Featured in Lentil Festival Cookbook

My entry in the National Lentil Festival cook-off did not get first or even sixth place, but was published in the Cookbook [pulse@pea.lentil.com]. There it is under soups, "Stealth Soup", the idea being that it might qualify for the special "I Hate Lentils" category, as the lentils are pretty difficult to detect in the smooth, rich, creamy soup.

First place went to the "Animal Cracker Dip (Fudgy Chocolate Frosting)" recipe filled with cocoa and butter, vanilla, powdered sugar and, incidentally, lentils. To crib from T. Colin Campbell, worms and cardboard would taste good with butter and cocoa.

Anyway, a lot of the recipes look pretty good and some are even made sans animal-sourced products. It was worth it to participate. It made me happy.