Still Here

Okay, here's why I haven't blogged in awhile. I worked Saturday, Sunday, Monday and today. I have one day off and I go back to work Thursday and Friday. I'm too tired.

Two Old Stories

A Hundred and Two

When I first started at Homeland, I was calling the Consulting Nurses about a new admission and all I wanted was to contact the doctor to verify her admission orders. I had never called them before, and I wasn't familiar with the process of having to give them a lot of background information. I thought they would just put me through to the doctor, and I became impatient. So when the consulting nurse heard the person's birthdate, she said, "Wow, she's a hundred and two!" And out of my mouth came, "Yes, that's why I'd like to speak to the doctor while she's still alive."

They sent a complaint to us, because the nurse was offended, and I had to write a pretty and contrite apology to the nurse and say I never meant to hurt her feelings [I didn't.] I just couldn't resist a cheap shot.

Usually I'm horribly mortified when I get written up, but to this day I still think it was worth it.

The "Y" Dance

Tonight one of the nursing assistants remembered working with a gentleman in rehab who was a hundred and ten. He was able, fit, and agile. One day he said to her, "Let me show you the 'Y' Dance. First you put your hand on my shoulder, and I put my hand on your hip, and we snuggle up . . . " Then he said in her ear, "Now. Why dance?"

Baha'i: A Home, Or A Storefront?

Here I am at 0423 trying to sleep, and instead realized what I want to say here. So here I am.

"Is the Baha'i Faith a truly tolerant religion?"

There are two ways to look at the Faith of God: a store which you hope has what you need for this day, or a home.

I think many of us got here having looked for a religion that meets our agenda. I certainly did. And I found that I agreed with the basic principles of the Faith that most people are now aware of: humankind is one; women and men have an equal spiritual stature and place in the world; there is only one race, the human race; it's time for war to end; and so forth. These principles were big news when they were revealed in the 1840's and '50's. And they certainly attracted me to the Baha'i Faith in the 1970's. But looking for a religion which lines up with your own beliefs and convictions only can take you so far.

The Baha'i Faith does dual duty: it is both very old, and very new.

It is old because, "This is the ancient Faith of God, eternal in the past, eternal in the future." The Faith of God is one faith. God being the Unknowable Essence, the Creator, is not accessible directly. "I am the path of God," says Baha'u'llah. There is always a perfect Mirror reflecting the teachings of God which are appropriate for a particular age and place. India had some. Palestine had some. Probably every continent in the dim reaches of the past has had these Beings reflecting the light of God, founding civilizations, many forgotten in past ages.

This is the new day of God, this time with teachings for the whole earth, and perfect for the time in which we live. If we were comfortable with God's message for today we wouldn't need it. Sooner or later, my guess is that every Baha'i, when they were investigating the Faith, came across at least one teaching, one law, that made them go, "hey, whoa! I don't believe that, I'm not ready for that!"

I probably had about ten of them in my first ten years. I was seventeen, I came from a very strict family, I was ready to show my independence by drinking alcohol, experimenting with drugs, seeing if I could get some physical affection to heal the hurt I felt inside. I was powerfully attracted to the message of the Faith, but then I found out there were laws. I wasn't pleased. I was shopping.

The real question to ask, when investigating the Baha'i Faith, is: "Is Baha'u'llah Who He says He is, or not?"

Nobody can answer that question for anyone else. We can help, guide, answer questions, inform, and hold hands, but each individual must decide that for herself. There's never any force involved. This is the time of free choice. I encourage everyone to vigorously investigate the truth, independently, for himself.

Home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in.

When a person recognizes the Manifestation of God for the day in which they live, and choose to follow that Individual, a change occurs within them. A light is turned on. "Thy heart is My home." "For thus the Master of the house hath appeared within His home, and all the pillars of the dwelling are ashine with His light."

That is when you know you are home. Welcome home.

Better To Have No Religion Than To Fight

200 people killed in Jos, Nigeria over religious differences. Muslims versus Christians.

Religion should unite all hearts and cause wars and disputes to vanish from the face of the earth; it should give birth to spirituality, and bring light and life to every soul. If religion becomes a cause of dislike, hatred and division it would be better to be without it, and to withdraw from such a religion would be a truly religious act. For it is clear that the purpose of a remedy is to cure, but if the remedy only aggravates the complaint, it had better be left alone.

~'Abdu'l-Baha

Nothing Brilliant

Sometimes I have a well-thought out essay. Sometimes I just journal.

For the Fast, since I haven't tolerated fasting due to low blood sugar for several years, this year I am giving up something I never should do to begin with: backbiting.

At midnight, when I can, I say a certain "prayer of great power" I received from a friend on the internet, which I won't quote because of uncertain authenticity. It involves making a petition, saying a prayer, then following with 95 repetitions of the Greatest Name of God, "God is Most Glorious," "Allah-u-Abha" in Arabic. Usually I have a number of petitions, which I lump together, or it would take all night.

To help release me from the terrible habit of backbiting, which I learned at my parents' knees, first I ask that I stop enjoying backbiting, then I ask that I will stop wanting to do it, then that I will stop doing it. Then the prayer and the recitation of the Greatest Name. Then during the day I stay mindful of my promise to myself to stop.

It is interesting that I, almost as an observer, hear comments come to my mind, then I realize the nature of the comment, and ask myself if there is any reason to make the comment, and find that I don't want to after all. I also realize that I have been the primary purveyor of this sort of talk at work. Things are more peaceful and quiet since then.

This is a deeply ingrained habit, and I hold no illusion that just in a few days I have this licked, but I intend to keep on as long as is necessary. Keep praying for me.

Live, or Memorex?

Many people who disbelieve in God do so because they hold the point of view that to believe in God would absolve one of accountability or responsibility for their lives or their choices, and that would not be acceptable. So they have to have gotten here spontaneously, naturally, like a mushroom, instead of being created. Which is not such a bad thing, either. I wouldn't have any objection to it.

One time about ten or twenty years ago my friend BJ said something that astounded me at the time. "God helps everybody, not just people who believe in Him." I suppose it sounds really arrogant, but I had never thought of that.

I rely on God more and more in my life. Even several years ago in nursing school I was praying every time I took a test. Would God have allowed me to pass my state boards if I really was unqualified? I think, no. Then I realize that, for all I know, He might allow this to happen all the time. So it's interesting to think about what defines "help", and what is the will of God.

When I had a difficult home health case with a very manipulative client who had an overbearing, controlling husband, I had to say prayers for 45 minutes every morning just to make it through a single day. I know, because in the two or three years I worked this case, I skipped my prayers just once, and I barely made it emotionally. Which begs the question why I didn't just find a different case? Lack of confidence. It can't have hurt me to say so many prayers, also.

So if God helps everybody [whether they want His help or not], which proportion of their lives did they create independently, and which proportion did they have help on? Which part of my life is live, and which is Memorex?

We can't tell.

This is a humbling thought. All the time I am, in my prayers, turning my life over to God, I'm already there.

Hold The Phone

Hang on, I'm working on a post.

In the meantime, heard in report yesterday about two separate residents who literally dropped dead at Homeland Saturday. One was eating chocolate one moment, and the next, the brand new graduate nurse was shaking her and calling for a nurse, "I can't get her to respond!" The CNA's politely reminded her that she is a nurse.

The other was in the dining room and fell out of his chair. They had a big hooraw, the kitchen phoned 911 to the disgust of the fire department ["what do you want us to do?"] and finally someone with some common sense found a way to remove the resident from the dining room so people could eat.

Anyway, hang on, I'm working on something inspired by one of these Christian flyers.