Buttercup Versus Rose

As a child one special experience with my mother was roaming the hills in the spring to pick buttercups, so I always saw them as a rare and lovely wildflower. A few years ago I decided to plant buttercups in my flower bed, only to discover a few months later what a persistent and pernicious pest it can be, sending out runners all over the yard. I don't know if I ever got rid of them. What I thought was simple and innocent turned out to be truly obnoxious.

Little sweet tidbits of gossip can be like a buttercup, rare and enticing when you pick them, but difficult to extricate from the fabric of communal life.

In the garden of thine heart, plant naught but the rose of love.

~ Baha'u'llah

Time to Retire

People with dementia often go back in time and get "stuck" there, due to the deterioration of the temporal lobe. We have someone at "Mountain View" who apparently spent a good deal of his life running a boiler room. He often reports a crisis going on at the plant, and his frustration of needing to get there to put things in order. Sometimes he'll say, "a man got hurt today."

The other evening he was trying to leave the facility by every exit. "They won't let me leave so I can go take care of the plant," he said. "It makes me so mad, I just feel like quitting!" "You know, Stew," I said, "maybe it's time to retire."

Donkey Burgers

I recently recognized that there is a very good chance I have Asperger's Syndrome, on the spectrum of Autistic disorders but less challenged. A good option, if you are going to be on the spectrum, for intelligent people. Which I guess I give a good imitation of intelligence. I used to go to student Counselors at PLU and they were all named Molly, and they all eventually put on a puzzled expression about why my life wasn't working and said, "Well, you're obviously bright . ." If I was dumb, my life might make more sense.

Facets of my mental operations that indicate a different wiring: social disconnect, literal thinking, vulnerability to bullying without knowing why [I thought it was red hair], ability to imitate accents [also animals, if that counts as an accent], inability to mathematically prove my mathematical solutions [it's just obvious], earning me a D+ in Plane and Solid Geometry; definitely non-kinisthetic, a little clumsy, always getting confused and tangled up in conversations [leading to endless miscommunications and misunderstandings], interrupting and blurting out my ideas the second they hit, job bouncing, gullibility, inability to think or move quickly [a real liability in entry-level work], slow-to-never learning to ride a bicycle, very slow to learn to swim, very slow learning to drive, extreme honesty, irritable and sensitive, sensitive to light and noise, early awakening.

Following a group conversation is one of my challenges, especially in a large family. For me, joining a group conversation is like jumping into the middle of a Virginia Reel dance without a partner and wondering why things did not work out so well.

It's not so easy to receive the piece of paper that says Official Diagnosis. I've been aping neurotypical behavior for fifty years.

Anyhow, I was elated to figure this out. It illuminates my life. I'm no longer stuck wondering what's going on. I can go, well, no wonder, and get on with it.

For more information, there's a wonderful book called, Asperger's From the Inside Out by Michael John Carley. Or the internet.

Epilogue: I had this incredible epiphany the other day when I was invited to join in a group of Baha'is visiting people in a neighborhood to build spiritual communities. Although everyone has apprehension meeting new people and starting conversations with them, I was always terrified beyond all reason. So I avoided it. After I realized I have AS, I realized this was why I had avoided teaching [not preaching] the Baha'i Faith. I had this mythical conversation in my head, thinking about the people who really suffer for their faith. "I don't need to go to prison or be tortured or executed for my faith. I'm just not wired that way . . . so, since I'm not wired that way, I don't actually need to teach . . ." I burst out laughing at the absurdity.

Resourceful Girl Changes Light Bulb

Where have I been? I've been busy, that's what. Now that I'm down to one reader . . .

A day off that I wasn't sure would be a day off because I promised that if one of the other nurses got called to jury duty I would come in. I decided that it was only fair, since so far I have called in sick, asked for funeral leave, requested Holy Days off, asked for time off for my nephew's wedding, and asked for an extra day off so I can "do" Ethnic Fest an extra day. Only fair. It took all morning to find out if I was needed or not, so anyway I finally decided I was off the hook, ate my grape nuts with applesauce and soy milk, and I need to buy more grape nuts by the way, and I decided to do a load of laundry, and just when I flipped on the light switch for the little foyer where the laundry sits behind louvered doors [always wanted to use the word louvered], the light bulb blew.

No problem. Right on the shelf over the dryer is a box of CFU's. And I'm looking at the shallow light fixture and thinking that there's no way a CFU is going to fit in there, imagining that the light bulb is in there vertically. So if I need to, I will just leave the fixture off. CFU's all the way.

So I get out my very short stool which I use as seating at my very small and short dining table which is really nothing of the sort, more of a sort of small coffee table, but if I used a regular non-dwarf dining table it would take up my entire very small dining room and all I would do is cover it in papers as my ancestors did before me. So I use a very small table. So I get out this little stool and it's just tall enough for me to reach the light fixture, and now my problems begin.

I start loosening up the screws at the side that hold in the glass fixture, I've done this a thousand times, no problem. One little screw, two little screws, darn. The third screw is stuck. Okay, I need more traction. Don't have a piece of leather, which would be ideal. A piece of that rubbery stuff with holes in it meant for opening jar lids. Doesn't work. Now what? At this point I actually consider calling the landlord. To change a light bulb? No way. I realize this screw, although everyone knows they can be turned with fingers, actually is a screw and has a screw slot in the end.

I probably have fifty screw drivers. Somewhere else. I don't know where they are. No junk drawer here. Go upstairs. Find a drawer that has unsorted junk from one of the junk drawers in the old house [which is probably unsorted from the junk drawers in the house before that.] Oh, good, a short screwdriver just the right length . . . and it's a Philips head. Okay, here's a little metal jackknife. It opens. Knife blade. No good. Try other side. No soap. Won't open. May never know if it's a screw driver blade.

Knife blade won't close. I try a multitude of methods, which if they work, position my fingers in front of the blade so I will be maimed if the blade closes. Doesn't work. Probably for the best. Again I consider calling the landlord. Since I haven't rented an apartment alone since my college dorm room, I'm not sure of the protocol. Surely some of his tenants are so feeble they can't change a light bulb?

Here's a cardboard nail file. Probably break. Here's a hair clip. Metal, thin, a good possibility. Then something makes me try a different drawer. Here's another jackknife. Has a knife blade. Has a screwdriver blade. Bonsai!

Screw turns, fixture gets rinsed out, CFU placed, and fixture actually fits over the CFU.

Resourceful girl wins! Learning? How to spell jackknife.

Epilogue: Recently I decided my Special Power is screaming. I haven't yet decided what it accomplishes.

The Voice of God

The Kitab-i-Iqan, Baha'u'llah's Book of Certitude, illuminates beautifully in many passages the dual station of the Manifestations of God, the Founders of the world's major religions.

To every discerning and illumined heart it is evident that God, the unknowable Essence, the divine Being, is immensely exalted beyond every human attribute, such as corporeal existence, ascent and descent, egress and regress. Far be it from His glory that human tongue should adequately recount His praise, or that human heart comprehend His fathomless mystery. He is and hath ever been veiled in the ancient eternity of His Essence, and will remain in His Reality everlastingly hidden from the sight of men.

The door of the knowledge of the Ancient of Days being thus closed in the face of all beings, the Source of infinite grace . . . hath caused those luminous Gems of Holiness to appear out of the realm of the spirit, in the noble form of the human temple, and be made manifest unto all men, that they may impart unto the world the mysteries of the unchangeable Being, and tell of the subtleties of His imperishable Essence. These sanctified Mirrors, these Day-springs of ancient glory are one and all Exponents on earth of Him Who is the central Orb of the universe, its Essence and ultimate Purpose. From Him proceed their knowledge and power; from Him is derived their sovereignty.

Baha'u'llah

The following sayings and writings are from some of these Gems of Holiness, speaking with the voice of God:

Say: I, verily, am the Path of God unto all who are in the heavens and all who are on the Earth; well is it with them that hasten thereunto!

I am, I am, I am the Promised One! I am the One Whose name you have for a thousand years invoked, at whose mention you have risen, whose advent you have longed to witness, and the hour of Whose Revelation you have prayed God to hasten. Verily, I say, it is incumbent upon the peoples of both the East and the West to obey My word and to pledge allegiance to My person.

I am the light of the world: he that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

I am the Source of all spiritual and material worlds. Everything emanates from Me. The wise who perfectly know this engage in My devotional service and worship Me with all their hearts.

Howbeit when He, the Spirit of Truth, is come, He shall guide you into all truth: for He shall not speak of Himself; but whatsoever He hear, shall He speak: and He will shew you things to come.

There is one God, and there is none other but He.

He who knows Me as the Unborn, as the Beginningless, as the Supreme Lord of all the Worlds--he only, undeluded among men, is freed from all sins.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.

Say: He is Allah, who is One, Allah, the eternal refuge. He neither begets nor is born, nor is there to Him any equivalent.

I am the generating seed of all existences. There is no being--moving or nonmoving-- that can exist without Me.

Naught is seen in My temple but the Temple of God, and in My beauty but His Beauty, and in My being but His Being, and in My self but His Self, and in My movement but His Movement, and in My acquiescence but His Acquiescence, and in My pen but His Pen, the Mighty, the All-Praised. There hath not been in My soul but the Truth, and in Myself naught could be seen but God.

The Iqan: Key to Understanding All Scripture

The Kitab-i-Iqan, The Book of Certitude, revealed by Baha'u'llah over about 48 hours in the middle of the 19th Century, holds the very simple key to understanding scriptures of this and all past Revelations from God.

From the Iqan I have learned that everything has an inner meaning and an outer meaning. People who have difficulty recognizing Baha'u'llah and the truth of this Revelation have mental, emotional, spiritual veils in between them and their own hearts, which block their receptivity and perception of the truth. For Christians and Muslims, especially, the Iqan examines some of those veils and reveals the hidden inner meanings of prophecies regarding the return of the Messiah and the End Times.

I was able to apply some of my learning from this yesterday when my husband and I were strolling along the walk above the beach at Titlow Park. We encountered a very focused and energetic man I'll call Mark [because that was his name] who was looking for converts to the Jehovah's Witnesses. I allowed my husband to take the lead in listening to Mark, not because my husband is a man and therefore a superior being, but because he is miles ahead of me in the qualities of sociability and patience. So I stood and listened and prayed.

Eventually I was able to interrupt and put in two points: Christ said, "I have many things to tell you, but ye cannot bear them yet. Howbeit when He who is the Spirit of Truth is come, He will guide you to all truth." [Roughly paraphrased.] I pointed out that Christ didn't say "I" will come, but "He" will come, indicating a different individual. Also, it is mentioned that Christ will come "with a new name." This also indicates a different actual individual from Jesus [the Personality] Christ [the Station.]

I'd love to say that Mark immediately stated he would study this with an open mind and an open heart. Actually he said he would look at the Baha'i Faith with a microscope, root, tree, and branch, to point out all the errors, as he has done with all other Faiths in the past.

The Iqan has helped me by seeing that all Religions really are part of the same Book of God, which makes it much easier to go to the heart of Scripture which illuminates the oneness of God and His Messengers. It has also helped me to realize the dual Station of God's Messengers: the human personality, and the selfless Station of the Manifestation of God, which is universal.

Say: naught is seen in My temple but the temple of God, and in My beauty but His Beauty, and in My being but His Being, and in My self but His Self, and in My movement but His Movement, and in My acquiescence but His Acquiescence, and in My pen but His Pen, the Mighty, the All-Praised. There hath not been in My soul but the truth, and in Myself, naught could be seen but God.

~Baha'u'llah

Vegetables!

Really craving vegetables today. Time is short, on my work schedule, for cooking.

This evening we were both craving vegetables so stopped at Cappy's Produce on the way home and bought lots of things, to the tune of some wonderful jazz.

Stir-Fried Vegetables

Slice &/or Dice:
1/2 eggplant
green pepper
red pepper
several mushrooms
onion
garlic cloves to taste
some ginger root
something else was in there but I can't remember what it was
fresh tomatoes sliced up
a little cilantro
squeeze in juice from half a lemon
stir-fry in grapeseed oil

Corn Tortilla Quesadillas

grate quite a bit of cheese [of choice]
open a can of pinto beans and drain
chop onions
slice tomatoes into wedges
peel and chop up an avocado
chop up some cilantro [yes, some of these ingredients overlap!]
for convenience, place all these ingredients into a bowl and use a soup spoon to ladle them out.

Heat up the skillet until the smoke detector goes off, then open some windows and cool down the skillet a little. Place corn tortilla on skillet for about 20 seconds, then flip. [Now it is finally flexible.] Add about 2 tablespoons grated cheese, a tablespoon of beans, some diced onions and avocado and a wedge of tomato, and a pinch of cilantro. Using flipper, fold tortilla over [if you tried to do this cold, it would just break.] Flip after 10 to 20 seconds. Rescue quesadilla and as many innards as you can scrape up from the skillet, before it blackens. Repeat as many times as you want &/or until ingredients are used up.

A terrible tragedy: too full for strawberries.