I spent the last half of my night shift at work last night sitting in the Duty Office, watching spiders the size of small dogs waltz across the floor.
If there is anything to know about dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is that they win and you lose. Period. No amount of pure hearted limit-setting is adequate--in fact, it is about as effective as a rabbit on the highway facing down a Mack truck. As a nurse, I tried to set limits with such a client yesterday, and this person made an unfounded allegation which put me on Alternate Assignment. I was given the choice of going home, or sitting out the shift in the Duty Office.
Something I had never previously recognized where I work is how close to God the Duty Officer is. One is careful what to say to them. But I also learned to recognize how tough their job is. Their word is law. In any case, fortunately I can be easily amused.
Since I have today and tomorrow as my regularly scheduled days off, I have some time to reflect and to say the Remover of Difficulties prayer in hopes of improving my situation. My boss comes back from vacation tonight, and will contact me tomorrow with whatever alternate work assignment has been found for me. And I will no doubt have interviews to explain my feeble reasoning and foolish, noble-hearted motivations for my choices last night [which are too complex and confidential to explain in a blog.] Suffice it to say that Autism Spectrum Disorder strikes again. I am praying to lift this Mack truck out of my path.
So, every time I say multiple repetitions of the Remover of Difficulties, I see the prayer in a whole new way, as mentioned in previous postings. To review, this is a short, simple prayer from the Baha'i Writings:
Is there any Remover of Difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!
~ The Bab
Tonight, the image which came to me as I repeated this was of all impurities being lifted out of me in the first half of the prayer, and the light of God shining down and purifying everything in the last half.
Lather, rinse. Repeat.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Temporary Queen of the Universe
Last night I was the sole RN where I work. I discovered that reading the Funny Times is excellent for getting through the Witching Hour [three to four AM, which is generally down time] and staying awake. I had the task of doing "staffing", which means taking calls from nurses calling in sick and adjusting the schedule accordingly so things still work. We also have one house in which to administer medications in the morning while we are doing this.
At about 0430 I bring the medication cart, which is rather small, so this works, into the client's room. On the top of the cart I have the irrigation set for the tube feeding; a pulse oximeter; a temporal thermometer; a pitcher of water; cups of medication, crushed and mixed with water and/or applesauce; another irrigation set for another client; three eight-ounce cans of tube-feeding formula; a small one-ounce plastic cup with a cream for the person's gastric tube site; and the portable telephone for the house.
I place the sensor for the oximeter on the client's finger, take his temperature, and I receive a message via the radio on my belt that I have a staffing call. I give the switchboard my location, and the phone rings; I take the staffing call. Just as I am about to start giving the client his medications, the radio gives me another message, I phone the LPN who called me and talk about an issue with one of her clients.
Then I give the client his medications and tube feeding, clean the stoma and apply the cream, give medications to several other clients, and return to the Health Care Center which is our "base" on night shift, and record the staffing call, adjusting the schedule accordingly. [In this case, one of the RN's on day shift will end up passing medications instead of her regular RN duties.]
At five-forty I'm in the Health Care Center and receive a call from the same house to look at an issue they just discovered on another client; I jump into the car, run over to the house and deal with that, then return to the Health Center and go into the Staffing Office to contact the various Program Area Teams; I let them know what staff they have, be sure all staff showed up to work, and record all the LPN staff assignments on the staffing sheet.
We now have a new system in place, asking RN's from different teams to help each other out by taking calls from some of the houses on a team where they are a little short of RN's. At the end of my general staffing duties, I phone one RN who has expressed the perception that she "never gets any help" to ask her to help the RN on another team. I am uncertain of success, as usually she asks for help but is reluctant to give it. I call and explain that one team has only one RN; the other team has two RN's but one will be passing medications. It takes some reasoning with her, but I get an agreement to help out. For me, a person who has an extreme dislike of confrontation, this is a major triumph.
I bring the staffing sheet in to the Switchboard, feeling like the Queen of the Universe for accomplishing this latest task. This lasts about two seconds. Immediately they cut me down to size, complaining that I am not "done yet" because I omitted recording what specific house assignments the RN's are taking on two of three teams. Doing this requires asking for pencil and writing in "all of them." I do this, now feeling small because of the discouraging tone of the people at the switchboard; they manage to communicate as if I have miserably failed because of the one omission.
Driving home I decided that no matter how the staff at the switchboard communicated with me, I'm Queen of the Universe anyway.
At about 0430 I bring the medication cart, which is rather small, so this works, into the client's room. On the top of the cart I have the irrigation set for the tube feeding; a pulse oximeter; a temporal thermometer; a pitcher of water; cups of medication, crushed and mixed with water and/or applesauce; another irrigation set for another client; three eight-ounce cans of tube-feeding formula; a small one-ounce plastic cup with a cream for the person's gastric tube site; and the portable telephone for the house.
I place the sensor for the oximeter on the client's finger, take his temperature, and I receive a message via the radio on my belt that I have a staffing call. I give the switchboard my location, and the phone rings; I take the staffing call. Just as I am about to start giving the client his medications, the radio gives me another message, I phone the LPN who called me and talk about an issue with one of her clients.
Then I give the client his medications and tube feeding, clean the stoma and apply the cream, give medications to several other clients, and return to the Health Care Center which is our "base" on night shift, and record the staffing call, adjusting the schedule accordingly. [In this case, one of the RN's on day shift will end up passing medications instead of her regular RN duties.]
At five-forty I'm in the Health Care Center and receive a call from the same house to look at an issue they just discovered on another client; I jump into the car, run over to the house and deal with that, then return to the Health Center and go into the Staffing Office to contact the various Program Area Teams; I let them know what staff they have, be sure all staff showed up to work, and record all the LPN staff assignments on the staffing sheet.
We now have a new system in place, asking RN's from different teams to help each other out by taking calls from some of the houses on a team where they are a little short of RN's. At the end of my general staffing duties, I phone one RN who has expressed the perception that she "never gets any help" to ask her to help the RN on another team. I am uncertain of success, as usually she asks for help but is reluctant to give it. I call and explain that one team has only one RN; the other team has two RN's but one will be passing medications. It takes some reasoning with her, but I get an agreement to help out. For me, a person who has an extreme dislike of confrontation, this is a major triumph.
I bring the staffing sheet in to the Switchboard, feeling like the Queen of the Universe for accomplishing this latest task. This lasts about two seconds. Immediately they cut me down to size, complaining that I am not "done yet" because I omitted recording what specific house assignments the RN's are taking on two of three teams. Doing this requires asking for pencil and writing in "all of them." I do this, now feeling small because of the discouraging tone of the people at the switchboard; they manage to communicate as if I have miserably failed because of the one omission.
Driving home I decided that no matter how the staff at the switchboard communicated with me, I'm Queen of the Universe anyway.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Stuffed Squash
A generous soul at work has been bringing vegetables to share; sweet cherry tomatoes, a giant zucchini, and an absolutely beautiful round/star-shaped yellow squash with green at the top and bottom. The nearest I can come to an identification is pattypan, but this is huge. A flying saucer of beautiful squash. So I stuffed and baked it.
Baked Squash
Hollow out squash according to whatever type and shape it is. Stuff and bake about 400 degrees about an hour until tender.
Filling:
brown rice [one cup dry, cooked]
black beans, [one can, cooked]
corn [one-pound bag, frozen, thawed]
tomatillos [about 3, peeled and diced]
serrano peppers [about 2, chopped]
Crimini mushrooms [about 3, chopped]
chopped walnuts [half a cup]
sunflower seeds [half a cup]
cumin [one teaspoon]
dill [one teaspoon]
salt to taste
Here's the kicker: it only takes about a cup of filling for a squash, maybe a little more. And when I make the filling, I end up with about a quart.
Phase Two: Baked Filling
Take leftover filling, which is most of it, and stir in two or three eggs, place in ceramic baking dish. Sprinkle over with about 1/2 to 1 cup cheese, and bake alongside the squash but for about half an hour.
Baked Squash
Hollow out squash according to whatever type and shape it is. Stuff and bake about 400 degrees about an hour until tender.
Filling:
brown rice [one cup dry, cooked]
black beans, [one can, cooked]
corn [one-pound bag, frozen, thawed]
tomatillos [about 3, peeled and diced]
serrano peppers [about 2, chopped]
Crimini mushrooms [about 3, chopped]
chopped walnuts [half a cup]
sunflower seeds [half a cup]
cumin [one teaspoon]
dill [one teaspoon]
salt to taste
Here's the kicker: it only takes about a cup of filling for a squash, maybe a little more. And when I make the filling, I end up with about a quart.
Phase Two: Baked Filling
Take leftover filling, which is most of it, and stir in two or three eggs, place in ceramic baking dish. Sprinkle over with about 1/2 to 1 cup cheese, and bake alongside the squash but for about half an hour.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Succotash Stew
Three ears fresh corn, cut off the cob
Two slices onion, diced and sauteed until tender or carmelized
Two cloves garlic, diced
One entire very large zucchini [now you know what to do with that, besides making zucchini bread]
Three tomatillos, husk removed, rinsed and diced
Half a hot pepper, diced
One pound fresh new [or any size] red potatoes, eyes removed, [diced large if necessary]
One 16 ounce can whole peeled tomatoes; whole can of water to rinse it out, added to stew
One pound of frozen lima beans
One can pinto beans
One teaspoon each: cayenne pepper, cumin, basil.
One-half teaspoon smoke flavoring
One-half teaspoon chipotle flavor tabasco sauce
Salt to taste
Simmer in large pot for two hours or in a slow cooker all day.
Two slices onion, diced and sauteed until tender or carmelized
Two cloves garlic, diced
One entire very large zucchini [now you know what to do with that, besides making zucchini bread]
Three tomatillos, husk removed, rinsed and diced
Half a hot pepper, diced
One pound fresh new [or any size] red potatoes, eyes removed, [diced large if necessary]
One 16 ounce can whole peeled tomatoes; whole can of water to rinse it out, added to stew
One pound of frozen lima beans
One can pinto beans
One teaspoon each: cayenne pepper, cumin, basil.
One-half teaspoon smoke flavoring
One-half teaspoon chipotle flavor tabasco sauce
Salt to taste
Simmer in large pot for two hours or in a slow cooker all day.
Carrot Curry Soup
Carrot Curry Soup
ten minutes in pressure cooker or simmer 2 hours
- 1 pound bag of carrots [those loathsome peeled "baby" carrots that someone got you by mistake and you must use up] or alternatively, whole organic upstanding carrots with the tops attached so they stay fresh, diced
2 slices onion, diced; 1 cubic inch ginger, diced, 1-2 cloves garlic, diced- 1/2 cup yellow split peas
- half a hot pepper of some kind, diced
- 1/2 cup raisins; handful of raw peanuts, handful raw cashews
- 2 teaspoons cumin, two teaspoons honey or agave nectar, 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper, 1/2 teaspoon dill, salt to taste
- Place all in a pressure cooker, cover with water [about a quart] and cook on high for 10 minutes, + ten minutes natural pressure release.
- If no pressure cooker, go back in time and simmer 2 hours until tender.
- Use a potato masher to mash carrots etc; alternatively, blend in food processor.
- Stir in 2 cups plain yogurt.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Crow Time
It's sunset, "crow time" when all the crows fly home to their nests en masse. Tonight I was on the balcony, which faces south, saying prayers, when two or three dozen crows settled on the branches of the evergreen trees across the way. I was starting to wonder if this was their nesting place, and how did I miss this before, when they all flew off overhead towards the northeast. A few calls, and mostly the whisper of their wings, quiet as a river fading off as they flew.
Pretty sure I'm loved, after all.
Pretty sure I'm loved, after all.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Inner and Outer Realities of Life
This is something I wrote to prepare myself for speaking at a Baha'i Fireside Saturday, titled : "Independent Investigation of the Inner and Outer Realities of Life."
I want to speak about who we are as humans, that is one "I", and who is this Unknowable Essence, the infinitely large and loving Creator of us all, the other "I", and how we can come to connect.
Some people have told me that they were aware from their first moment of consciousness that there was a loving God, that they were loved, and surrounded by this unfathomable, unconditional love, and they could trust in Him to care for them. Blessings on them. That wasn't true for me: I had to reason my way through the whole way, fight with my own perceptions and limitations, fight with things I learned about Religion which made no sense, which were untrue, which seemed to denigrate my station as a human being. Those things came from human teachings, not from God, and it is necessary to distinguish the difference.
What is our station as a human? Are some people worthy, and others unworthy?
I work at Rainier School which is a residence for people with intellectual disabilities, and our Administrator, Neil Crowley, told the new recruits something which really touched my heart, something obvious when you think about it. He said, "these people, these clients, are every bit as good as you are." Who among us is so saintly that we never looked down on someone else for some reason? In the past, I have looked down on people because of their mental capacity. I was ignorant. Now I know better. I keep learning in newer and deeper ways how we are all connected, whatever our skin color or whatever language we speak or whatever faith, or no faith, that we follow, or whatever way our brain is wired and how we were created to be our own different unique selves with our own unique limitations and challenges. We are one because we are all spiritual beings, walking on a spiritual path, having our own spiritual journey, and the direction we are meant to go is towards greater oneness, towards greater love and kindness and acceptance, towards understanding and loving our Creator more and more.
How do we do this? How do we connect with this Unknowable Essence that we call God or Allah or Khoda or Grandfather? We are created as spiritual beings, and the world is a spiritual place, but we are sort of tossed out into this physical matrix and our own human family with this mission to connect, to develop the spiritual qualities we will need in the next worlds of God, and we have 5 or more senses and our intellect, our feelings, and our spiritual capacity to connect, so this human "I" can connect with the divine "I". Can I sense the Creator with my senses? Hearing, sight, touch, smell, taste, something called "proprioception" which is our physical position in space, and other senses: these are inadequate to connect. Can you touch, taste, or see God with your own eyes?
Can the Unknowable Essence physically come to Earth in Person? Can the physical sun land on the Earth? Of course not. God has to communicate with the hearts of human beings in some other way. That spiritual Sun must be reflected as in a mirror, by the spirit of some exceptional human being who can, by faultlessly reflecting and revealing this Divine Light, connect the human "I" with that Divine "I".
I learned while I followed Christianity, this deep and immutable message: I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, AND NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT BY ME.
If you believe in Christ, you know this is true. So, Who is this Christ? Who is this "I"? What is that station?
Some people think that the Christ spirit is just a specially enlightened human being. And I need to say that we all have our beliefs, and beliefs are personal, and that I need to explore differing beliefs with respect, and we need to talk about them and not be upset because our beliefs seem to be different. We are all learning, and we are all fallible, and we all have this uniquely human capacity to connect with our Creator, and however we are learning to do that, that is acceptable. I think this Unknowable Essence, God, is delighted that we are seeking Him out. So we can look at varying beliefs and points of view without breaking into a sweat about it.
So here is my point of view, what I have learned in the Baha'i Faith, and we can look at what we have been taught according to our own beliefs and see what we can learn from each other.
Who is this "I", this divine Christ Spirit? I am a person slogging along looking for God: I can sit under a tree meditating for a hundred years, but I will not have the divine station of a Buddha. I can go up the mountain and behold the incessantly burning fire of the love of God and I will still not attain the station of a Moses. I can fast for forty days, be baptized, teach the Cause of God and share the Bread of Life with multitudes, and sacrifice my life so that all mankind can have the life of loving God, and as a regular person I cannot have the station of Christ.
Who is this divine Spirit, who by sacrificing His life connects our hearts to the Divine Creator that we cannot connect with directly? Who is this "I"? And how can I recognize Him? The prophecies say that every eye shall "see"; but shall every eye recognize this station, this Christ spirit? What conditions must be in my heart to recognize Christ?
Maybe I can travel back in time to Palestine at a certain time, and I meet a Man on the road; will I recognize him as the Christ? Of course! I have his photo right here in my pocket . . . no, wait, that's a painting, it won't help. I might walk right by. Will my heart be pure enough to recognize Him, and not just see Him? And when He comes back to Earth, as He promised that He would, will I recognize Him then? He will be coming back with a new name; will I recognize His new name?
The Baha'i teachings say that Christ has a "dual" station: the station of a man, and the divine station of a perfect mirror reflecting all the attributes of God and giving us the divine message for the day in which He appeared. As a man, He has all the physical attributes and limitations of a human being: He is born, eats and sleeps, wears clothing, gets cold when it's cold and gets hot when it's hot. He can become ill. He can marry and have children--sometimes more than once--or He can stay single and celibate because His life is so taken up with wandering the country and teaching the Cause of God that there is no place to lay His head; no way to care for a family. Maybe all mankind is His family. He can suffer pain and He can certainly die and be killed. As a man, He may live in different countries, coming at different times, speaking a different language, having a different name and a different Title. The One Who Speaks For God; the Annointed One; the Son of God; the Friend of God; the Gate of God; the Glory of God.
His message will always be the same--love each other, you were created by God to seek Him out, everything has an inner and an outer reality, the reality of this world is spiritual, not physical. And His message is also always different, depending on the needs of the time: here's what to eat to stay healthy; yes you can divorce or no, you may not divorce; remember the Sabbath and keep it holy; or, no, we are harvesting food on the Sabbath to meet our needs, because I have Divine Authority and I am changing that law. Because this is the essence of My law: love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.
In the Divine Station, the "I" , the I-am-the-Way "I", is divine, spiritual, eternal, universal. In this station, there are many Mirrors, and all stainlessly reflect the light of God. There are many Points on the horizon where the Sun may appear, depending on the season. There are many Lamps, and all give the light of God. How many times as a child you slammed your door, "Just leave me alone!" God will never leave us alone. As a parent He has bothered us many times with a new Christ, and will always continue to do so. Humankind is growing up, attaining the station of maturity, so we need new teachings adequate for the day in which we live. No more door-slamming. "I have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them yet. Howbeit, when He Who is the Spirit of Truth is come, He will guide you unto all truth."
So this is the Day of Judgment: whether you recognize Christ when He appears again, in His new attire, with a new Name, speaking a new Language, teaching a new Message.
I want to speak about who we are as humans, that is one "I", and who is this Unknowable Essence, the infinitely large and loving Creator of us all, the other "I", and how we can come to connect.
Some people have told me that they were aware from their first moment of consciousness that there was a loving God, that they were loved, and surrounded by this unfathomable, unconditional love, and they could trust in Him to care for them. Blessings on them. That wasn't true for me: I had to reason my way through the whole way, fight with my own perceptions and limitations, fight with things I learned about Religion which made no sense, which were untrue, which seemed to denigrate my station as a human being. Those things came from human teachings, not from God, and it is necessary to distinguish the difference.
What is our station as a human? Are some people worthy, and others unworthy?
I work at Rainier School which is a residence for people with intellectual disabilities, and our Administrator, Neil Crowley, told the new recruits something which really touched my heart, something obvious when you think about it. He said, "these people, these clients, are every bit as good as you are." Who among us is so saintly that we never looked down on someone else for some reason? In the past, I have looked down on people because of their mental capacity. I was ignorant. Now I know better. I keep learning in newer and deeper ways how we are all connected, whatever our skin color or whatever language we speak or whatever faith, or no faith, that we follow, or whatever way our brain is wired and how we were created to be our own different unique selves with our own unique limitations and challenges. We are one because we are all spiritual beings, walking on a spiritual path, having our own spiritual journey, and the direction we are meant to go is towards greater oneness, towards greater love and kindness and acceptance, towards understanding and loving our Creator more and more.
How do we do this? How do we connect with this Unknowable Essence that we call God or Allah or Khoda or Grandfather? We are created as spiritual beings, and the world is a spiritual place, but we are sort of tossed out into this physical matrix and our own human family with this mission to connect, to develop the spiritual qualities we will need in the next worlds of God, and we have 5 or more senses and our intellect, our feelings, and our spiritual capacity to connect, so this human "I" can connect with the divine "I". Can I sense the Creator with my senses? Hearing, sight, touch, smell, taste, something called "proprioception" which is our physical position in space, and other senses: these are inadequate to connect. Can you touch, taste, or see God with your own eyes?
Can the Unknowable Essence physically come to Earth in Person? Can the physical sun land on the Earth? Of course not. God has to communicate with the hearts of human beings in some other way. That spiritual Sun must be reflected as in a mirror, by the spirit of some exceptional human being who can, by faultlessly reflecting and revealing this Divine Light, connect the human "I" with that Divine "I".
I learned while I followed Christianity, this deep and immutable message: I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, AND NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT BY ME.
If you believe in Christ, you know this is true. So, Who is this Christ? Who is this "I"? What is that station?
Some people think that the Christ spirit is just a specially enlightened human being. And I need to say that we all have our beliefs, and beliefs are personal, and that I need to explore differing beliefs with respect, and we need to talk about them and not be upset because our beliefs seem to be different. We are all learning, and we are all fallible, and we all have this uniquely human capacity to connect with our Creator, and however we are learning to do that, that is acceptable. I think this Unknowable Essence, God, is delighted that we are seeking Him out. So we can look at varying beliefs and points of view without breaking into a sweat about it.
So here is my point of view, what I have learned in the Baha'i Faith, and we can look at what we have been taught according to our own beliefs and see what we can learn from each other.
Who is this "I", this divine Christ Spirit? I am a person slogging along looking for God: I can sit under a tree meditating for a hundred years, but I will not have the divine station of a Buddha. I can go up the mountain and behold the incessantly burning fire of the love of God and I will still not attain the station of a Moses. I can fast for forty days, be baptized, teach the Cause of God and share the Bread of Life with multitudes, and sacrifice my life so that all mankind can have the life of loving God, and as a regular person I cannot have the station of Christ.
Who is this divine Spirit, who by sacrificing His life connects our hearts to the Divine Creator that we cannot connect with directly? Who is this "I"? And how can I recognize Him? The prophecies say that every eye shall "see"; but shall every eye recognize this station, this Christ spirit? What conditions must be in my heart to recognize Christ?
Maybe I can travel back in time to Palestine at a certain time, and I meet a Man on the road; will I recognize him as the Christ? Of course! I have his photo right here in my pocket . . . no, wait, that's a painting, it won't help. I might walk right by. Will my heart be pure enough to recognize Him, and not just see Him? And when He comes back to Earth, as He promised that He would, will I recognize Him then? He will be coming back with a new name; will I recognize His new name?
The Baha'i teachings say that Christ has a "dual" station: the station of a man, and the divine station of a perfect mirror reflecting all the attributes of God and giving us the divine message for the day in which He appeared. As a man, He has all the physical attributes and limitations of a human being: He is born, eats and sleeps, wears clothing, gets cold when it's cold and gets hot when it's hot. He can become ill. He can marry and have children--sometimes more than once--or He can stay single and celibate because His life is so taken up with wandering the country and teaching the Cause of God that there is no place to lay His head; no way to care for a family. Maybe all mankind is His family. He can suffer pain and He can certainly die and be killed. As a man, He may live in different countries, coming at different times, speaking a different language, having a different name and a different Title. The One Who Speaks For God; the Annointed One; the Son of God; the Friend of God; the Gate of God; the Glory of God.
His message will always be the same--love each other, you were created by God to seek Him out, everything has an inner and an outer reality, the reality of this world is spiritual, not physical. And His message is also always different, depending on the needs of the time: here's what to eat to stay healthy; yes you can divorce or no, you may not divorce; remember the Sabbath and keep it holy; or, no, we are harvesting food on the Sabbath to meet our needs, because I have Divine Authority and I am changing that law. Because this is the essence of My law: love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.
In the Divine Station, the "I" , the I-am-the-Way "I", is divine, spiritual, eternal, universal. In this station, there are many Mirrors, and all stainlessly reflect the light of God. There are many Points on the horizon where the Sun may appear, depending on the season. There are many Lamps, and all give the light of God. How many times as a child you slammed your door, "Just leave me alone!" God will never leave us alone. As a parent He has bothered us many times with a new Christ, and will always continue to do so. Humankind is growing up, attaining the station of maturity, so we need new teachings adequate for the day in which we live. No more door-slamming. "I have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them yet. Howbeit, when He Who is the Spirit of Truth is come, He will guide you unto all truth."
So this is the Day of Judgment: whether you recognize Christ when He appears again, in His new attire, with a new Name, speaking a new Language, teaching a new Message.
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