Fire and Vengeance, Light and Mercy, Part Three

Baha'u'llah teaches that tests and difficulties are a gift from God, designed to further our spiritual growth in a most efficient manner, and to teach us what we most need and desire to learn as fundamentally spiritual beings. It takes a lot of trust to believe that we will be taken care of, even as the maelstrom of tests swirl around us.

Baha'u'llah, as the Founder of a new Faith in the 1800's in Iran, was not a popular figure with either the Shah of Iran or with the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire. Between them, with encouragement from many enemies of the Faith, they conspired to imprison Baha'u'llah and exile Him and His family from Tehran, to Baghdad, to Adrianople [Edirne] and to Akka, near Haifa, Palestine. This treatment engendered an enormous amount of suffering over a forty-year period.

At one time Baha'u'llah revealed a long and intense prayer named the "Fire Tablet." There are multiple layers of meaning, inner and outer meanings, in everything Baha'u'llah reveals. He writes,

"In the Name of God, the Most Ancient, the Most Great.
"Indeed the hearts of the sincere are consumed in the fire of separation: Where is the gleaming of the light of Thy Countenance, O Beloved of the worlds? . . . Where is the shining of the Morn of Thy reunion, O Desire of the Worlds?" *

After a long and beautiful series of verses, God answers Baha'u'llah:
"Were it not for the cold, how would the heat of Thy words prevail, O Expounder of the worlds?"
"Were it not for calamity, how would the sun of Thy patience shine, O Light of the worlds?" . . .
"by Thy banishment the land of Unity was adorned. Be patient, O Thou Exile of the worlds." *

Then Baha'u'llah responds:
"When the swords flash, go forward! When the shafts fly, press onward! O Thou Sacrifice of the Worlds." * and,

"Verily I have heard Thy Call, O All-Glorious Beloved; and now is the face of Baha flaming with the heat of tribulation and with the fire of Thy shining word, and He hath risen up in faithfulness . . ." *

And we wonder if we are loved! But this is what we must do: rise up in the midst of our difficulties, and turn to God.


*All quotes copyright by the Baha'i Publishing Trust.

Light and Fire: Mercy and Vengeance, Part Two

Baha'u'llah teaches that, not only does life have both an inward and outward reality, a material and a spiritual reality, but this is also true of what we often call tests in our lives. Baha'u'llah writes, speaking for God:

"O Son of Man! My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it."

When I was on Pilgrimage, on the bus approaching the Holy Shrine of Baha'u'llah [called Bahji, the place where He lived the last years of His life and where His remains were interred], I felt as if all my faults were magnified as if by a giant magnifying glass. Approaching the Shrine on foot, crunching on gravel made from roof tiles, my greatest wish was to have all my faults incinerated. This was my prayer. As Baha'u'llah also says, to die to this world that I may live in God, live in the world of the spirit. I had the feeling: God is everything, and I am nothing.

In this materialistic day, the day of Self Esteem and Doing Your Own Thing, this is not always a popular sentiment. In "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," Terry Gilliam's animated "God" says, "Oh, stop grovelling! If there's anything I hate, it's people grovelling!" I appreciate the humor, and it is no doubt freeing. On the other hand, God is bigger than us, and there is no getting around that fact. To approach God, if we choose to do so, takes humility.

This dying to the self is what Christians call being born again, that is, born to the world of the spirit. In my rebellious persona, I always wanted to say, "What? Didn't it take the first time?" This spirit of humility is Submission to the Will of God. "Islam" means surrender to the Will of God. Baha'u'llah teaches that Christ and Muhammad, the Bab and Baha'u'llah are all one Spirit, each a reflection of One Essence. That subject is for another day, however.

Anyway, I didn't know what I was asking in that prayer, to allow all my faults to be incinerated. It has meant the deconstruction of many of the components of the life I was building. I often wonder where all this craziness is leading. I guess inquiring minds will just have to wonder!

Fire and Light: Vengeance and Mercy, Part One

I like to focus on two basic themes in Weaner Pigs: inward versus outward reality, and my journey as a Baha'i. Lately I've written a lot about the various crises I'm experiencing in what seems to be a crossroads in my life. In 2005 I was divorced after 29 years marriage with a person not enrolled in nor interested in the Baha'i Faith.

That year I lost my marriage, lost my job, and my father was moved to Tacoma into a dementia unit and later died. I took the course, "Clara Dunn Academy", which is very intense. I also hooked up with a friend from my childhood who convinced me he was the love of my life, even though he is an atheist, bipolar, alcoholic and suicidal. [Thank God that is over!] The same year, my cat died, taken apart by pit bulls. Also, my daughter was married and I sold my house and bought a new one together with my daughter and son-in-law, who were in college.

This year I'm in my second year of marriage [I think; actually, I've lost track!] to the actual love of my life; I'm in my second Charge Nurse job since I lost my job at Gentiva, my daughter attempted suicide in January, we went on Pilgrimage in February, my daughter's marriage just broke up, the economy has tanked, and I now hold two interest-only loans worth more than the current value of our house. Whee!

Sometimes I think, not only am I on a crossroads, I'm in the crosshairs.

People sometimes wonder that I just keep on going, in the middle of this maelstrom. I couldn't do it without prayer, the love and support of my friends and family, and the knowledge that there really is no alternative. And also the knowledge that tests come from two main sources: my choices, and God.

Light and Mercy

Tests are outwardly fire and vengeance, inwardly light and mercy. This is because every test in this world that we meet is a great opportunity to develop and strengthen inner, spiritual qualities needed in the next world. A month or two ago I stood in line at the US Bank housed in the Albertsons store that had more business for about half an hour than personnel to meet its needs. One of the gentlemen in front of me was an endless font of complaint and criticism. I refrained from pointing out to him that standing in line was a priceless opportunity to develop patience. Somehow I didn't think he would be receptive; I couldn't figure out a wording that would not come out hideously smug.

After reading Roger's comments which led to reading his pilgrimage journal from a year ago [see comments on previous blog] I am even more fired up about going on pilgrimage. The tests I have been receiving in the past month seem geared to purifying my spirit. At work the other day [I work in a SNF, aka a nursing home] I became so frustrated with new admissions requiring oxygen and not having any concentrators available for them, I ended up invoking the name of Jesus Christ in a spirit of complete frustration. The incoming Agency nurse, overhearing this, responded in a very haughty tone, "Praise His name!"

Naturally one cannot fault someone for objecting to swearing. Perhaps I should have asked her, "What are your favorite words?" Anyhow, swearing is one of those habits which is hard to reverse. Like putting toothpaste back into the tube. I wish I had thought of that whenever I adopted it. One tries to come up with alternative phrases and words. I'm thinking of learning some innocent foriegn phrases, such as "pass the salt," which I can say when the chips are down. I can leave the impression I said something naughty, release my anger, and have the satisfaction of knowing my imprecations were totally innocent. Ooh, maybe something from the speech of Mordor. Hmm.

As I commented to Earthlink one time when I was bumped off the dial-up one too many times, this sucks monkey eyeballs. Although I thought it was ridiculous and hilarious at the time, they responded that there was no reason for abusive language. There is just no pleasing some people.