tonight came when Pearl was following me in my CRV as I returned the U Haul truck, and we were cruising down Meridian. I was feeling pretty comfortable with the rig after driving it all day, not worrying too much about keeping my speed low, but when I came to a yellow light I didn't want to lose Pearl, so I stopped rather abruptly. Okay, I slammed on the brakes. BAM!!! The dolly in the back of the truck slammed into the front of the truck with the sound of an 8 gauge shotgun going off behind me.
It got my attention.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Elation From a Job Well Done
Today I moved a large sewing room and another room full of boxes and some other miscellaneous stuff out of my husband's house, as he was evicted without prior warning to me [I live separately in a townhouse.] I brought my daughter, picked up a 10 foot U-Haul truck, and we drove to Eatonville. There was supposed to be a crew to help us, paid for by the previous owner, but they never showed up. Fortunately I had already secured my three sewing machines and my most important tools when I came down to make arrangements to pick up my things.
I bagged fabric and Pearl boxed up tools and notions and patterns, and the new owners asked their adult children to help move some of the most important furniture. I was fortunate to locate two stashes of my Queen Bess silverware, a wok, and so forth, and pick up a down comforter, a bedspread I made many years ago, and one of my old prayer books with personal notes and prayers written in, which I found upstairs on the third floor. A lot of other items were impossible to locate, however, as the new owners have boxed most things up and it's not possible to get to everything.
I brought down two flights of stairs eight very large terra cotta "bricks" and 4 large shelving "boards" for a "bricks and boards" book case system I've been moving around for years, which were on the third floor. By this time my quadricepts were like jelly. Then I brought down the boxes, loaded up a carpet which I had hand-finished the edges of when I set up the sewing room, and did the final clearing out. The entire job took five hours. The last time I had to disassemble a sewing room it took months and a paid professional to help me sort out the miscellaneous minutia.
We finally drove home, completely exhausted, to face the task of unloading the truck and my car, this time with only the two of us. I fetched items from the truck while Pearl stacked them up neatly in the garage, then the two of us figured out how to unload a large particle board shelving system, and an extremely heavy cabinet which folds out to create a 6 by 4 foot work surface of the correct height. We unloaded the entire truck, plus my CRV, all by ourselves, and nothing was broken, including us.
No more parking in the garage until I get my sewing room set up at my townhouse. Sniff. A good motivator.
We had to stop at a gas station for both vehicles on the way back to U Haul, and were separated when Pearl behind me turned into a gas station and I didn't. So I got the rig turned around on Meridian and came back for her, gassed up and returned the U Haul after the office was closed.
Then we went for a well-deserved, healthy but delicious Indian dinner, and back home for a hot shower, with a sense of elation for all we accomplished.
In one of Baha'u'llah's Writings He points out that we ought not to pride ourselves on our possessions, because we may own them today, but tomorrow, others will own them. There is nothing like an eviction to reinforce that lesson.
I bagged fabric and Pearl boxed up tools and notions and patterns, and the new owners asked their adult children to help move some of the most important furniture. I was fortunate to locate two stashes of my Queen Bess silverware, a wok, and so forth, and pick up a down comforter, a bedspread I made many years ago, and one of my old prayer books with personal notes and prayers written in, which I found upstairs on the third floor. A lot of other items were impossible to locate, however, as the new owners have boxed most things up and it's not possible to get to everything.
I brought down two flights of stairs eight very large terra cotta "bricks" and 4 large shelving "boards" for a "bricks and boards" book case system I've been moving around for years, which were on the third floor. By this time my quadricepts were like jelly. Then I brought down the boxes, loaded up a carpet which I had hand-finished the edges of when I set up the sewing room, and did the final clearing out. The entire job took five hours. The last time I had to disassemble a sewing room it took months and a paid professional to help me sort out the miscellaneous minutia.
We finally drove home, completely exhausted, to face the task of unloading the truck and my car, this time with only the two of us. I fetched items from the truck while Pearl stacked them up neatly in the garage, then the two of us figured out how to unload a large particle board shelving system, and an extremely heavy cabinet which folds out to create a 6 by 4 foot work surface of the correct height. We unloaded the entire truck, plus my CRV, all by ourselves, and nothing was broken, including us.
No more parking in the garage until I get my sewing room set up at my townhouse. Sniff. A good motivator.
We had to stop at a gas station for both vehicles on the way back to U Haul, and were separated when Pearl behind me turned into a gas station and I didn't. So I got the rig turned around on Meridian and came back for her, gassed up and returned the U Haul after the office was closed.
Then we went for a well-deserved, healthy but delicious Indian dinner, and back home for a hot shower, with a sense of elation for all we accomplished.
In one of Baha'u'llah's Writings He points out that we ought not to pride ourselves on our possessions, because we may own them today, but tomorrow, others will own them. There is nothing like an eviction to reinforce that lesson.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Baha'u'llah and the Mind-Blowing Creator
Seems like there is so much calamity in my life, I never know what to pray about first. I'd like to pray for mercy but then I remember:
My calamity is My providence. Outwardly it is fire and vengeance, inwardly it is light and mercy.
~Baha'u'llah
So if I prayed for mercy I'd probably get more of the same.
I find it comforting to read the Writings of Baha'u'llah, however challenging.
I keep coming back lately to the same remarkable essay by Baha'u'llah, number XXVII in Gleanings of the Writings of Baha'u'llah, which builds beautifully one concept after another. It would not be possible to quote from it extensively, however, I would like to share some highlights.
Concept # One, in the initial paragraph, describes how God created the Universe out of nothingness. This is a paradox to the human mind, because there are passages where 'Abdu'l-Baha states that the quality or name of the Creator is inherent in the Unknowable Essence we call God, so there was no time the creation did not exist. Using the analogy of our sun in the solar system, part of the essence of the sun is the quality of releasing or putting out rays of light and heat: if the rays were not released, the sun would not be the sun. So as long as there has been a Creator, there has been a creation. And yet, in this passage Baha'u'llah describes the universe being created from nothingness:
All-praise to the unity of God, and all-honor to Him, the sovereign Lord, the incomparable and all-glorious Ruler of the universe, Who, out of utter nothingness, hath created the reality of all things, Who, from naught, hath brought into being the most refined and subtle elements of His creation, and Who, rescuing His creatures from the abasement of remoteness and the perils of ultimate extinction, hath received them into His kingdom of incorruptible glory.
There are two parts to this process: being created, and being rescued from a state of remoteness from God. So to the limited and logical, linear human mind this is a paradox, that the creation is a never-beginning, never-ending process, by the Creator.
Nothing short of His all-encompassing grace, His all-pervading mercy, could have possibly achieved it. How could it, otherwise, have been possible for sheer nothingness to have acquired by itself the worthiness and capacity to emerge from its state of non-existence into the realm of being?
I had never thought of this notion before, that to come into existence requires capacity and worthiness. Everything, from the Big Bang to the initial squirms of life in the primordial soup, to the emergence of oxygen-creating microbes which changed the atmosphere into what is currently breathable to life as we know it, depended on the light and mercy of God.
Leapfrogging over most of this passage, more is revealed. Even the continued existence of the creation from one moment to the next is dependent on God:
There can be no doubt whatever that if for one moment the tide of His mercy and grace were to be withheld from the world, it would completely perish.
One might look at the Creator as cruel, unpleasant, despotic, and controlling, to think that every breath we take is dependent on Him. As humans like to be in control of our lives, it is a disconcerting thought. But the more positive thought is that we exist because of God's love for us, because He loved His creation, and we were created and continue to be created from moment to moment because of God's grace and mercy. That would be the humble way to see the position of creation and humankind in the universe.
So, the Universe, Life, and Everything We Know About has been created and is continually in the process of being created. God's not done yet.
Concept # Two:
[From the same passage]: Having created the world and all that liveth and moveth therein, He, through the direct operation of His unconstrained and sovereign Will, chose to confer upon man the unique distinction and capacity to know Him and to Love Him--a capacity that must needs be regarded as the generating impulse and the primary purpose underlying the whole of creation . . . Upon the inmost reality of each and every created thing He hath shed the light of one of His names, and made it a recipient of the glory of one of His attributes. Upon the reality of man, however, He hath focused the radiance of all of His names and attributes, and made it a mirror of His own Self. Alone of all created things man hath been singled out for so great a favor, so enduring a bounty.
For readers of the Bible, we may recognize that man [humankind, not just males] was created in God's image. We potentially may reflect all of God's attributes, and have the capacity to know and love God. This leads to:
Concept # Three: These energies with which the Day Star of Divine bounty and Source of heavenly guidance hath endowed the reality of man lie, however, latent within him, even as the flame is hidden within the candle and the rays of light are potentially present within the lamp. The radiance of these energies may be obscured by worldly desires even as the light of the sun can be concealed beneath the dust and dross which cover the mirror. Neither the candle nor the lamp can be lighted through their own unaided efforts, nor can it ever be possible for the mirror to free itself from its dross. It is clear and evident that until the fire is kindled the lamp will never be ignited, and unless the dross is blotted out from the face of the mirror it can never represent the image of the sun nor reflect its light and glory.
So here is a human soul with the potential to reflect the attributes of God, and with the unique capacity to know and love God, but unable to do so without outside assistance. What will happen next?
Concept # Four: And since there can be no tie of direct intercourse to bind the one true God with His creation, and no resemblance whatever can exist between the transient and the Eternal, the contingent and the Absolute, He hath ordained that in every age and dispensation a pure and stainless Soul be manifest in the kingdoms of earth and heaven.
Baha'u'llah goes on to say that this Soul, this "mysterious and ethereal Being" has a twofold nature: physical and spiritual; and a double station: the Voice of God Himself, and the human station. These Souls are what the Baha'i Writings refer to as "Manifestations of God," who have come in every time and at whatever place They are most sorely needed, to communicate from God to humankind.
From the foregoing passages and allusions it hath been made indubitably clear that in the kingdoms of earth and heaven there must needs be manifested a Being, and Essence Who shall act as a Manifestation and Vehicle for the transmission of the grace of the Divinity Itself, the sovereign Lord of all. Through the teachings of this Day Star of Truth every man will advance and develop until he attaineth the station at which he can manifest all the potential forces with which his inmost true self hath been endowed. It is for this purpose that in every age and dispensation the Prophets of God and His chosen Ones have appeared amongst men, and have evinced such power as is born of God and such might as only the Eternal can reveal.
Concept # Five:I will say this, then let Baha'u'llah have the last word: the outpouring of God's Grace is never ending. These Manifestations of God will continue to appear forever: Can one of sane mind ever seriously imagine that, in view of certain words the meaning of which he cannot comprehend, the portal of God's infinite guidance can ever be closed in the face of men? Can he ever conceive for these Divine Luminaries, these resplendent Lights either a beginning or an end? What outpouring flood can compare with the stream of His all-embracing grace, and what blessing can excel the evidences of so great and pervasive a mercy? . . . From the beginning that hath no beginning the portals of Divine mercy have been flung open to the face of all created things, and the clouds of Truth will continue to the end that hath no end to rain on the soil of human capacity, reality and personality their favors and bounties. Such hath been God's method continued from everlasting to everlasting.
My calamity is My providence. Outwardly it is fire and vengeance, inwardly it is light and mercy.
~Baha'u'llah
So if I prayed for mercy I'd probably get more of the same.
I find it comforting to read the Writings of Baha'u'llah, however challenging.
I keep coming back lately to the same remarkable essay by Baha'u'llah, number XXVII in Gleanings of the Writings of Baha'u'llah, which builds beautifully one concept after another. It would not be possible to quote from it extensively, however, I would like to share some highlights.
Concept # One, in the initial paragraph, describes how God created the Universe out of nothingness. This is a paradox to the human mind, because there are passages where 'Abdu'l-Baha states that the quality or name of the Creator is inherent in the Unknowable Essence we call God, so there was no time the creation did not exist. Using the analogy of our sun in the solar system, part of the essence of the sun is the quality of releasing or putting out rays of light and heat: if the rays were not released, the sun would not be the sun. So as long as there has been a Creator, there has been a creation. And yet, in this passage Baha'u'llah describes the universe being created from nothingness:
All-praise to the unity of God, and all-honor to Him, the sovereign Lord, the incomparable and all-glorious Ruler of the universe, Who, out of utter nothingness, hath created the reality of all things, Who, from naught, hath brought into being the most refined and subtle elements of His creation, and Who, rescuing His creatures from the abasement of remoteness and the perils of ultimate extinction, hath received them into His kingdom of incorruptible glory.
There are two parts to this process: being created, and being rescued from a state of remoteness from God. So to the limited and logical, linear human mind this is a paradox, that the creation is a never-beginning, never-ending process, by the Creator.
Nothing short of His all-encompassing grace, His all-pervading mercy, could have possibly achieved it. How could it, otherwise, have been possible for sheer nothingness to have acquired by itself the worthiness and capacity to emerge from its state of non-existence into the realm of being?
I had never thought of this notion before, that to come into existence requires capacity and worthiness. Everything, from the Big Bang to the initial squirms of life in the primordial soup, to the emergence of oxygen-creating microbes which changed the atmosphere into what is currently breathable to life as we know it, depended on the light and mercy of God.
Leapfrogging over most of this passage, more is revealed. Even the continued existence of the creation from one moment to the next is dependent on God:
There can be no doubt whatever that if for one moment the tide of His mercy and grace were to be withheld from the world, it would completely perish.
One might look at the Creator as cruel, unpleasant, despotic, and controlling, to think that every breath we take is dependent on Him. As humans like to be in control of our lives, it is a disconcerting thought. But the more positive thought is that we exist because of God's love for us, because He loved His creation, and we were created and continue to be created from moment to moment because of God's grace and mercy. That would be the humble way to see the position of creation and humankind in the universe.
So, the Universe, Life, and Everything We Know About has been created and is continually in the process of being created. God's not done yet.
Concept # Two:
[From the same passage]: Having created the world and all that liveth and moveth therein, He, through the direct operation of His unconstrained and sovereign Will, chose to confer upon man the unique distinction and capacity to know Him and to Love Him--a capacity that must needs be regarded as the generating impulse and the primary purpose underlying the whole of creation . . . Upon the inmost reality of each and every created thing He hath shed the light of one of His names, and made it a recipient of the glory of one of His attributes. Upon the reality of man, however, He hath focused the radiance of all of His names and attributes, and made it a mirror of His own Self. Alone of all created things man hath been singled out for so great a favor, so enduring a bounty.
For readers of the Bible, we may recognize that man [humankind, not just males] was created in God's image. We potentially may reflect all of God's attributes, and have the capacity to know and love God. This leads to:
Concept # Three: These energies with which the Day Star of Divine bounty and Source of heavenly guidance hath endowed the reality of man lie, however, latent within him, even as the flame is hidden within the candle and the rays of light are potentially present within the lamp. The radiance of these energies may be obscured by worldly desires even as the light of the sun can be concealed beneath the dust and dross which cover the mirror. Neither the candle nor the lamp can be lighted through their own unaided efforts, nor can it ever be possible for the mirror to free itself from its dross. It is clear and evident that until the fire is kindled the lamp will never be ignited, and unless the dross is blotted out from the face of the mirror it can never represent the image of the sun nor reflect its light and glory.
So here is a human soul with the potential to reflect the attributes of God, and with the unique capacity to know and love God, but unable to do so without outside assistance. What will happen next?
Concept # Four: And since there can be no tie of direct intercourse to bind the one true God with His creation, and no resemblance whatever can exist between the transient and the Eternal, the contingent and the Absolute, He hath ordained that in every age and dispensation a pure and stainless Soul be manifest in the kingdoms of earth and heaven.
Baha'u'llah goes on to say that this Soul, this "mysterious and ethereal Being" has a twofold nature: physical and spiritual; and a double station: the Voice of God Himself, and the human station. These Souls are what the Baha'i Writings refer to as "Manifestations of God," who have come in every time and at whatever place They are most sorely needed, to communicate from God to humankind.
From the foregoing passages and allusions it hath been made indubitably clear that in the kingdoms of earth and heaven there must needs be manifested a Being, and Essence Who shall act as a Manifestation and Vehicle for the transmission of the grace of the Divinity Itself, the sovereign Lord of all. Through the teachings of this Day Star of Truth every man will advance and develop until he attaineth the station at which he can manifest all the potential forces with which his inmost true self hath been endowed. It is for this purpose that in every age and dispensation the Prophets of God and His chosen Ones have appeared amongst men, and have evinced such power as is born of God and such might as only the Eternal can reveal.
Concept # Five:I will say this, then let Baha'u'llah have the last word: the outpouring of God's Grace is never ending. These Manifestations of God will continue to appear forever: Can one of sane mind ever seriously imagine that, in view of certain words the meaning of which he cannot comprehend, the portal of God's infinite guidance can ever be closed in the face of men? Can he ever conceive for these Divine Luminaries, these resplendent Lights either a beginning or an end? What outpouring flood can compare with the stream of His all-embracing grace, and what blessing can excel the evidences of so great and pervasive a mercy? . . . From the beginning that hath no beginning the portals of Divine mercy have been flung open to the face of all created things, and the clouds of Truth will continue to the end that hath no end to rain on the soil of human capacity, reality and personality their favors and bounties. Such hath been God's method continued from everlasting to everlasting.
Friday, December 9, 2011
If I Only Had a Mind
This is how crazy the last three days have been: I arrived in University Place from Puyallup for my appointment on the last whiff of gas in the tank. This almost never happens. I always look for a place to fill up at a quarter tank. Obsessive. So a line popped into my head while I was filling the tank, "my life is so chaotic," it turned eventually into this familiar ditty with new words:
Oh, my life is so chaotic
My brain is cyanotic,
My thoughts all left behind.
I could sort out all my papers,
I could get over the vapors
If I only had a mind.
Oh, my life is so chaotic
My brain is cyanotic,
My thoughts all left behind.
I could sort out all my papers,
I could get over the vapors
If I only had a mind.
Danger Averted With a Happy Ending
The other evening at work went beyond hectic to chaotic, so when I was approached by an upset family member not once, but twice, I had a horrible sinking feeling that my organization for the day was shot if I gave her more time than I had to. Also I have an instinctive fear of angry people, so I avoid them rather than approaching and trying to establish a rapport. Penny wise and pound foolish, as she complained to the management and I was suspended the next day, and spent the next two days off in a fever of anxiety about whether or not I would get to keep my job.
I prayed a lot, meditated, tried to keep myself from beating myself up too much, and thought about how to prepare myself psychologically to drop everything at any time for any reason, cheerfully. This is called "customer service." I didn't get as much done on my days off as I would normally have.
Today [Friday] I waited to hear from the DNS, as I was normally scheduled Saturday and Sunday, and had just about resigned myself to having them off instead of working. I went to an appointment, picked out a gift for my daughter's birthday, and was returning to Puyallup to have my PPD read* and wondering if it was moot, pulled into the parking lot at work as my phone was ringing with an unfamiliar number. It was the DNS, asking to see me.
In his office, he said that a lot of people think I have a cold demeanor, but that there was really nothing to the complaint against me. So I gave my version of how I would be very happy to work on improving my approach to people, and he set up some sort of remedial sessions with the staff development individual, and I believe there was a meeting of the minds. And I have my job.
Cause for celebration, so I went out to India Karma with my husband and daughter and we had Vegetable Korma, Bharta with tandoor-roasted eggplant pureed and spiced, with peas and potatoes or whatever, Channa Masala as my husband likes garbanzos, and an extra dish of Vegetable Biryani. I like to have things to bring home. Also my daughter ordered Saag Naan, which is sprinkled with spinach and delicious, and we had Papadum as an appetizer. I discovered they have mango juice, which is just about as good as Mango Lassi which is made with yogurt, which I am avoiding as a dairy product.
Yum.
*PPD: a test to see if one has been exposed to Tuberculosis, which is read by a nurse in 2-3 days so is time sensitive.
I prayed a lot, meditated, tried to keep myself from beating myself up too much, and thought about how to prepare myself psychologically to drop everything at any time for any reason, cheerfully. This is called "customer service." I didn't get as much done on my days off as I would normally have.
Today [Friday] I waited to hear from the DNS, as I was normally scheduled Saturday and Sunday, and had just about resigned myself to having them off instead of working. I went to an appointment, picked out a gift for my daughter's birthday, and was returning to Puyallup to have my PPD read* and wondering if it was moot, pulled into the parking lot at work as my phone was ringing with an unfamiliar number. It was the DNS, asking to see me.
In his office, he said that a lot of people think I have a cold demeanor, but that there was really nothing to the complaint against me. So I gave my version of how I would be very happy to work on improving my approach to people, and he set up some sort of remedial sessions with the staff development individual, and I believe there was a meeting of the minds. And I have my job.
Cause for celebration, so I went out to India Karma with my husband and daughter and we had Vegetable Korma, Bharta with tandoor-roasted eggplant pureed and spiced, with peas and potatoes or whatever, Channa Masala as my husband likes garbanzos, and an extra dish of Vegetable Biryani. I like to have things to bring home. Also my daughter ordered Saag Naan, which is sprinkled with spinach and delicious, and we had Papadum as an appetizer. I discovered they have mango juice, which is just about as good as Mango Lassi which is made with yogurt, which I am avoiding as a dairy product.
Yum.
*PPD: a test to see if one has been exposed to Tuberculosis, which is read by a nurse in 2-3 days so is time sensitive.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Dahl Soup, Beet Applique, and Moth Dreams
Went back to Eatonville yesterday evening where my sewing room is and this morning started work on a uniform top with extra embellishment. I had found some fabric of a muted dark red perfect for beets, and some complimentary floral fabric with similar reds and greens, so for the first time I decorated a uniform top. I appliqued a bunch of beets with greens on the back of the top. That's as far as I got. [I will sew the top on my next visit.]
I like the effect, and the beets seem realistic, and the greens are good, but it's out of balance. There are no stems between the beets and the leaves. I had forgotten what an important part the stems play in the conformation of a bunch of beets, maybe because I enjoy the stems less than the beets and greens. Too late to fix it now.
It reminds me of the latest project I made, a duvet cover for a silk comforter I had gotten at the Fair. I had picked up books on butterflies and copied the shapes from the book for appliques on the cover. A couple of weeks later, after so much hard work, I finally figured out what made me uneasy about the whole deal. The shape of the butterflies was not one you would find in nature in a live butterfly--still, with the wings outspread. Butterflies rest with their wings together. The butterflies photographed for the book were probably deceased. I tell myself they are just resting moths . . .
A lovely 24 hours out of town, fixing up a room for myself so my husband can listen to the TV all night long and sleep. I can't sleep with it on and he can't sleep with it off. So we accepted reality and both slept well. In the morning I sewed and he made dahl soup with red lentils, potatoes, garlic, and lemon juice. Absolutely delicious. I hated to leave, but had chores at home.
Dahl Soup
1 cup red lentils
6 to 8 cups water
2 to 3 baking potatoes
4 to 5 peeled garlic cloves [adjust according to taste]
4 lemons or limes, cut in half and juiced
salt to taste
Put lentils, water, potatoes, garlic and salt in water and cook on medium heat about 45 minutes or until potatoes are tender and lentils are dissolved. Stir in lemon juice at the end.
I like the effect, and the beets seem realistic, and the greens are good, but it's out of balance. There are no stems between the beets and the leaves. I had forgotten what an important part the stems play in the conformation of a bunch of beets, maybe because I enjoy the stems less than the beets and greens. Too late to fix it now.
It reminds me of the latest project I made, a duvet cover for a silk comforter I had gotten at the Fair. I had picked up books on butterflies and copied the shapes from the book for appliques on the cover. A couple of weeks later, after so much hard work, I finally figured out what made me uneasy about the whole deal. The shape of the butterflies was not one you would find in nature in a live butterfly--still, with the wings outspread. Butterflies rest with their wings together. The butterflies photographed for the book were probably deceased. I tell myself they are just resting moths . . .
A lovely 24 hours out of town, fixing up a room for myself so my husband can listen to the TV all night long and sleep. I can't sleep with it on and he can't sleep with it off. So we accepted reality and both slept well. In the morning I sewed and he made dahl soup with red lentils, potatoes, garlic, and lemon juice. Absolutely delicious. I hated to leave, but had chores at home.
Dahl Soup
1 cup red lentils
6 to 8 cups water
2 to 3 baking potatoes
4 to 5 peeled garlic cloves [adjust according to taste]
4 lemons or limes, cut in half and juiced
salt to taste
Put lentils, water, potatoes, garlic and salt in water and cook on medium heat about 45 minutes or until potatoes are tender and lentils are dissolved. Stir in lemon juice at the end.
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