Down To The Wire

I spent the day with my husband doing some last minute chores all day. The current discussion is when to drive to Tacoma [to my house] to meet the shuttle: now, or in the morning. I'm being a control freak due to past experience with delays. We are in negotiation.

I've mentioned the Baha'i Faith more in the last several weeks and days than I did since I enrolled in the Faith in 1974. Whenever my friends at work hear, "I'm going to Israel," there is a quaint mix of elation and alarm on my behalf. "Oh, how wonderful! I wish I could go! Will you be safe? I'll pray for you!" It's so sweet. They are also on my prayer list, and I'm starting to pray for them now, to practice when we are at the shrines. [Except my list is packed up with my prayer book, smiling emoticon.] Even people where I bank, people in the Subway restaurant, and so forth.

I never would have been so open to people in the past. It amazes me how nice they are. I grew up regarding other people as potential monsters, so it's nice to find out I was a little warped in my perceptions. It's sweet.

We touch down February 11th at Seatac, so the next blog will be following return.

Voulez-vous Air France

A countdown is counting down until something goes boom. This is a countup to our Pilgrimage. This is Monday, the last day I work prior the flight, on the theory I would need at least one day off before heading to the airport on time. Wednesday, 2:00 PM, is the flight via Air France [voulez-vous toot sweet? What is their motto?] [Last summer we took Enayat's sister & family to Mt. St. Helens, visited by souls from around the globe. From a sweet couple speaking French to their 3-4 year-old boy, I heard the phrase, "toot sweet" which I took to mean, "right now!" I'm open to correction. "Voulez-vous," Abba notwithstanding, I have no idea what it means.]

Monday, work. Tuesday, goof off, sleep, maybe dog my husband in his chores, God willing shepharding him up to Tacoma for the night prior being picked up by the shuttle at 10 AM. [I moved up the 3 hour window for pick-up out of standard paranoia to four hours, and whaddya know, it snowed yesterday.] Wednesday get on plane. Thursday, land in Israel. Monday evening report to Haifa. Tuesday report to Pilgrim Center. Et voila.

Voulez-vous toot sweet.

Glacierized

I still have so much pain from recent trials it's been difficult to exercise courtesy and kindness. What's left is just truth, without any decoration. I decided I don't like my character. Some of my personality seems native, inherited from my father, a bona fide crank. Is this something natural, lower nature?

I decided that Baha'u'llah, who is the Most Great Interior Decorator [He changes abasement into glory] can revamp my character.

It feels as if my heart was the rock, and this pain, these trials and difficulties, are like a glacier grinding away on my heart. There is no soil left.

When will something bloom?

I Just Have To Say

How frustrating it is when Blogspot doesn't recognize my password.

Safety: Inner Meanings

So my passport is safe, my daughter is safe, and after I made several trips to California from Washington via Alaska Airlines, I have figured out that most airplanes stay aloft most of the time, so I'm not concerned about flight per se. So, what is safety? Staying alive? Well, that's temporary.

I worry most about things that cause major inconvenience: I don't want to miss my flight.

My relatives and work friends are worried about my safety in Israel. From my point of view, while Israel is situated perilously from a geographical and political standpoint, the Baha'i Holy Shrines are probably the safest place on earth. Somehow I feel that place is protected spiritually. But then I reflect on Iran, the birthplace of the Baha'i Faith, and I wonder. The Baha'is from the outset were attacked with some of the bloodiest violence and vehement opposition ever seen, and the Faith is strongly opposed by the clergy, government and citizenry to this day.

Still, I'm not worried about safety in Israel. I'd be more concerned about visiting a high school or mall in the US on the wrong day.

"I swear by my life: nothing save that which profiteth them can befall My loved ones."

~Baha'u'llah

"Is it Secret? Is it Safe?"

"You can touch it, it's quite cool," says Gandalf to Frodo as he drops the Ring into Frodo's hand, still glowing from the fire. You'll notice, however, that Gandalf is using tongs to handle the Ring.
Now, that's trust.

This morning I went foraging for my husband's passport upstairs in his locked office, in the drawer where I was certain to find it. I needed to enter the number into the information requested by Air France for the Pilgrimage flight to Israel. [At least, they want me to think this is needed.] And I wanted to be sure the passport was findable.

Empty drawer. Mild panic. Searching the room, uncomplimentary thoughts circulating in my mind. All will be lost . . . so eventually, having eliminated the impossible, I return to the desk and try adjacent drawers and, voila, passport. By gosh, I am going to keep this passport safe.

However, where I keep my own passport, in my purse [really], is safe only in that it is a place I can remember for certain where it is. I cannot guarantee my purse will not be stolen. Also, who am I to arbitrarily choose what is the safest spot? But my compulsiveness wins. I think my husband and I are equally distractable, but my flakiness is compensated for by my control freak-ness.

This is what happens when we have possession of an item of critical and unique importance: we become obsessively controlling and paranoid in guarding its location. I'm much more worried about forgetting where my passport is than I am about the possibility of theft.

"What Is That Strange Beeping Sound?"

Our nursing facility uses a device called a "tabs alarm" which has an electronic box about the size of a pack of cigarettes, with a small tab inserted into it. The tab is attached to a string, attached to a resident's clothing. When the resident moves as if to arise from their bed or wheelchair, the tab is removed from the box and a loud alarm goes off. That is, until the resident learns to remove the alarm. People who can't tie their own shoes can unpin an alarm from between their shoulder blades in thirty seconds. I can't do that.

The story I heard today goes that there was a resident a few years ago who flushed the alarm down the toilet where it continued beeping until the toilet was disassembled . . .

A Touch of Luck

This aftern00n I walk into Marlene's Deli and am immediately approached by a friendly young woman offering a free massage. A free massage--what a stroke of luck!* She was wonderful.

Work has been crazy busy, constantly stopping tasks to honor people's needs, and then trying to gather my wits again to each task before someone else calls or comes up. Last evening at work until 2, and to bed at 3 AM. Tonight at work until one.

Something undefinable is going on in my heart, as if my heart is opening up to people for the first time. I'm more confident, less guarded, more accepting, and guiding people according to their needs. I felt a sense of oneness with co-workers and residents and families, discovering that I actually like them. Don't laugh! I can only attribute this to the divine, as by nature and habit, I am a bit of a crank.

I'm blessed.

PS just over a week until we get on the plane to Israel and Pilgrimage. Preparations going into hyperdrive. There's a wonderful website I discovered called OneBag.com. Based on the theory that there are two types of luggage: carry-on, and lost.

* PPS As many times as I told that story today, with that wording, not one got the pun.

Inner Meanings, Part Two

Today I listened to the inspirational tape of a talk by Dr. Robert Henderson at Howard University in 1993. He mentioned how we are all created in the image of God.

This sparked a thought to share about inner and outer meanings in life and in scripture. As children, many of us are puzzled how we could be created in the image of God. Is God some kind of human, does He have a human form? Does God have eyes and ears, arms and legs? [When I was three my mother informed me that God is everywhere. I imagined some kind of bearded Old Man-type God lurking somewhere I couldn't see, perhaps behind the refrigerator.]

God of course is beyond physical conditions such as age, person-hood, place, time, and arthritis. God is a spiritual Essence that humans cannot understand. God is essentially spiritual. So if we humans are created in the image of God, we are also essentially spiritual. We are not bound by physical conditions such as age, place, time or arthritis. It just seems as if we are, because on this physical plane, in order to grow we have to experience physical limitations and hardships.

We believe that in the next world, on the spiritual plane, things which seem murky now will become clear, including our spiritual nature. Before I believed in God, before I knew about Baha'u'llah, I decided that it is important to be as kind and loving as I can during the time I have here.

Where the rubber meets the road is how difficult it is to practice spiritual qualities in this earthly life. If I'm committed to being so kind, and so forth, many people in my life would like to know: why the screaming, the criticizing? That's what I'm here to learn to overcome. I hope I have as long as possible to learn to express my spiritual nature at all times and under all conditions.

Why the Pause in Blogging

I have a list of departed souls in my prayer book for whom I read a prayer for the departed. This week I very nearly had to add my daughter to this list. She's currently residing in the eleventh floor at St. Joseph hospital, and safe, but I don't know for how long.

I can't tell you how this feels.

Today I've been thinking: I need to create a list of souls still on this plane that I would pray for when deceased. Why wait? I should be praying for them now.

Part of my heart is with the great teaching efforts going on in the Sumner area this weekend. My prayers are with those great souls, as well.

Some people might think I'm selfish to continue with my plans for Pilgrimage during my daughter's illness. I plan to make the journey anyway. I will be praying for her in the Shrines.

Peace.

Mystery of Inner Meanings

Anyone who seeks to investigate a religious truth can be assisted by realizing that everything has an inner meaning and an outer meaning. This is absolutely fundamental to understanding the sacred verses revealed by God.

Take Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving, as I was working and was not invited to any celebrations that day, I drove to a restaurant and ate turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, dressing, salad, cranberry sauce, and so forth. During this lonely feast my ever-present existential sense of being alone became very apparent. Eating a meal which contains traditional foods is not Thanksgiving. However, if you are surrounded with family and friends, and share bread and water in a spirit of love and fellowship, and call it this, that would be Thanksgiving.

The outer meaning of Thanksgiving is that you see people eating certain traditional foods at a table on a certain holiday. The inner meaning of Thanksgiving is the joy of being together, gathering with a sense of gratitude for all that we share.

When we read sacred verses revealed by God, it can be extremely helpful to ponder and reflect, asking ourselves: "What is the inner meaning of this verse?"

Watch for further posts on this subject.

Divided Emotions

I posted my blog before I realized that my smiling emoticon ended up split by the word wrap, so it just looked like a meaningless semicolon, followed by a carrot.

Here is Arlene's emoticon for "If you drive on the left side of the road, it's crazy but you, as British, have a perfect right to do it--somewhere else.": The Emoticon: ; >.

Let's see if it turns out schizophrenic this time.

Baha'i Devotional Morning

Although I leave for work in a few minutes, as I work the evening shift, I had the pleasure of seeing the Baha'is this morning at Tim and Deb's Devotional meeting with waffles [!]. I loved the selection of writings about Baha'i civilization, and it put some thoughts into my head for teaching the Faith.

To my delight I met a young woman who has served at the Baha'i World Center in Haifa, Israel, who had some good ideas for what to do with our 3-4 days in Israel prior to the start of Pilgrimage. Given that there are some places we are warned to avoid, such as Jerusalem, the West Bank [Gaza goes without saying], Cara suggested we rent a car and drive to the Sea of Galilee. With a car we will have more mobility to go exactly where we want, when we want. Okay, I realize that for some people this is a no-brainer, but I really had not considered trying to drive in a foreign country. As long as we drive on the American, i.e., correct side of the road ; > . Freedom!

I found myself speaking with my friend Bonita, who is going on Pilgrimage in April, and urging her to get the passports now, as it takes some lag time.

After the waffles, I went to Office Max and found some inexpensive small [6 X 9] clipboards. Maybe because at the SNF where I work as a nurse, I keep myself organized with a clipboard, it seemed like a good idea to keep my papers organized on a purse-sized clipboard when we travel.

Time to get ready for work.

Resonating with 1968

We watched the movie "Bobby" last evening, a terrific story in how the characters were drawn: mostly round [vs. flat] characters. Resonating with the parallels between forty years ago and today: the excitement of having a presidential candidate with such high ideals, and so well-connected with the common man. Though the Kennedy's came from such a privileged background they seem to be motivated by high ideals, rather than the profit motive made apparent by the actions and lifestyles of many politicians. Now we have a president-elect also with that exhilarating spirit that so seems to reflect the ideals of the oneness of humanity, gender equality, peace based on justice, and even walking a spiritual path with practical feet. Thinking of what happened to two of three of major Kennedy politicians, I certainly hope Mr. Obama survives.

I realized from watching this film that Sirhan Sirhan was of Palistinian nationality and shot Robert Kennedy because of his sympathy to Israeli interests.

1968: I was eleven, my oldest sister was married and still is happily married, and we had a winter from hell, at one time in Eastern Washington measuring 50 below zero, and snow on the ground for months.

Light and Mercy

Tests are outwardly fire and vengeance, inwardly light and mercy. This is because every test in this world that we meet is a great opportunity to develop and strengthen inner, spiritual qualities needed in the next world. A month or two ago I stood in line at the US Bank housed in the Albertsons store that had more business for about half an hour than personnel to meet its needs. One of the gentlemen in front of me was an endless font of complaint and criticism. I refrained from pointing out to him that standing in line was a priceless opportunity to develop patience. Somehow I didn't think he would be receptive; I couldn't figure out a wording that would not come out hideously smug.

After reading Roger's comments which led to reading his pilgrimage journal from a year ago [see comments on previous blog] I am even more fired up about going on pilgrimage. The tests I have been receiving in the past month seem geared to purifying my spirit. At work the other day [I work in a SNF, aka a nursing home] I became so frustrated with new admissions requiring oxygen and not having any concentrators available for them, I ended up invoking the name of Jesus Christ in a spirit of complete frustration. The incoming Agency nurse, overhearing this, responded in a very haughty tone, "Praise His name!"

Naturally one cannot fault someone for objecting to swearing. Perhaps I should have asked her, "What are your favorite words?" Anyhow, swearing is one of those habits which is hard to reverse. Like putting toothpaste back into the tube. I wish I had thought of that whenever I adopted it. One tries to come up with alternative phrases and words. I'm thinking of learning some innocent foriegn phrases, such as "pass the salt," which I can say when the chips are down. I can leave the impression I said something naughty, release my anger, and have the satisfaction of knowing my imprecations were totally innocent. Ooh, maybe something from the speech of Mordor. Hmm.

As I commented to Earthlink one time when I was bumped off the dial-up one too many times, this sucks monkey eyeballs. Although I thought it was ridiculous and hilarious at the time, they responded that there was no reason for abusive language. There is just no pleasing some people.

Clap If You Believe In Fairies

I was happy to receive a few comments recently. Not knowing the technology for monitoring whether I have any readers, I feel very isolated sometimes. Having comments cheered my heart immensely. Maybe people believe in fairies after all. No hissing, anyway.

With all due respect to James Barrie.

Pilgrimage Plans

I found a book on Israel which was acquired from an estate sale earlier in the year, am reading about places to look at that might be interesting but are not too close to Gaza or the West Bank, etc. The Baha'i World Center sent a pamphlet restricting travel from certain areas considered less safe. We are planning to arrive in Tel Aviv three or four days in advance of the actual Pilgrimage dates, on the theory that we ought to see some of Israel after traveling so far, and that we'll probably want to just go home in the glow of pilgrimage afterwards.

I'd like to see the Masada, and also Megiddo, scene of the battle of Armageddon [which actually already happened during World War One.] I don't really want to rent a car, however. I also need a good hotel [affordable] in Tel Aviv. We are supposed to arrive in Haifa about 9 PM on February first. Maybe we can see Megiddo on the way there.

From the news it looks like a good idea to stay more than 22 miles from Gaza. Unless Hezbollah attacks, which has longer range rockets. So far no news from the World Center cancelling Pilgrimage. Yay!