Welcome Visitors In Hard Times

I did end up signing on with the Weird Home Health Agency, and was signed up for two shifts working with a Hospice case. As Hospice cases often go, the client expired before I had a chance to work with him/her. I had decided to divide up the days of my weeks between the on call position driving cars at the Port, and on call with Weird Home Health. I haven't been called for the driving jobs yet. I'm supposed to let them know of my availability but in the meantime have lost my courage, my state of being psychologically ready for the driving job, so I think I'll let that go for now.

Yesterday I came to a place where it was all I could do to apply for work. I went to the Stress Management class at WorkSource in the early morning yesterday, which was rewarding. Then I went to the Job Club. There were two other nurses at Job Club. One is an LPN wishing to get out of nursing entirely and go into office management-type positions. The other is both an RN and a Veterinarian, who did both in Emergency care and was burned out at both. She has an authoritarian personality and wishes to go into Administrative work in nursing. I wish them both well.

At the Job Club we were encouraged to give a One Minute talk about who we are and our qualifications for work; an "elevator talk" that might be useful in an interview or at a Job Fair. I frankly said that if I said I wanted to be a nurse, it would be a lie, and I don't have anything else figured out to do.

After that I came home, ate, and felt my confidence and mood dropping low. Finally I read a number of portions of talks by 'Abdu'l-Baha, as well as the Ridvan 2012 letter from the Universal House of Justice. Then I forced myself to apply online for three jobs I had found on the WorkSource Job Board. This is so difficult--not just because filling out online applications, especially with Taleo, is exacting, but because I don't actually wish to work as a nurse. But I have nothing else figured out that I am ready to do, and I need to apply for work.

Today I had decided to treat mainly as a day off, for doing things around the house that need doing, and so forth. But in spite of the sunshine, my mood was very low. Then there was a brisk knock at the door and two young men from the Latter Day Saints were at my door. I invited them in, but since there was no other male there, they were not allowed to enter, which left them standing. I was very welcoming, and asked them if they lived in the Stillwater Apartments where we had met some Elders coming out while we were knocking on doors there.

They had barely heard of the Baha'i Faith, and said they didn't know Baha'is "proseletyzed." I explained how Baha'is see proseletyzing, as being pushy, but that we do go to people's doors sometimes to discuss creating more spiritual neighborhoods, offer childrens' classes, and Junior Youth Empowerment programs; how I felt going to people's doors, and so forth. Which led to them asking how I found out about the Baha'i Faith.

I was able to tell my story, talk about the history of the Bab and Baha'u'llah and what They wrote, and the basics of Progressive Revelation. They offered a copy of the Book of Mormon, which I said I read and have. They wanted to know what I thought, and I said, I didn't want to hurt their feelings; they wanted to hear, anyway, and I said that my feeling was that it was just made up. But I said I thought Joseph Smith was probably influenced by the spiritual influences at the time.

They testified to their faith and asked if there was anything they could help with around the yard. I said, no, it's a rental, but I could really use prayers as I am unemployed, and having a lot of fears and challenges from that. So they offered a beautiful extemporaneous prayer, and we thanked each other effusively for the conversation, and I felt grateful for the visit.

This may honestly be the first time I've really opened my heart to religious visitors, welcomed their visit, and had a very civil, honest, and friendly conversation. I think it has to do with exercising more humility lately. I was just thinking the other day that I have been so lonely that if Jehovah's Witnesses or the like came by, I would actually welcome them to my door and be happy to talk to them.