I have to violate copyright law and post a quote from Robert B. Parker in Family Honor, c. 1999.
A female character is explaining something to a teenage female character:
"Sooner or later you're going to have to decide things because you think you should."
"How can I do that," Millicent said. She raised her head and stared straight at me. Her eyes were glistening with tears. "I don't know anything."
"You know one of the hard things about being a woman," I said, "is having some built-in compass that doesn't depend on others."
"I don't know what you mean," Millicent said.
"When you're talking to a male," I said. "And you want to urge him to the do the right thing you can say, 'Be a man.' " . . . "That implies that some rules of behavior come from inside," I said. "But if I tell you that maybe your goal is to be a woman, that implies what? Being compassionate? Being a good caregiver? Being sexually attractive? Cooking well?"
I was surprised at what I was saying, and how strongly I was saying it. I felt like Simone de Beauvoir.
"Being a woman implies being in a male context," I said. "Being a man implies being fully yourself. You understand what I'm saying?"
I was surprised by the synchronicity of this selection with what I am feeling as I move into a townhouse and live by myself for the first time since 1978. I feel guilty and anxious. I really have to trust myself. Many people have questioned if I have the right to do this, or if it is the right thing to do.
I don't know what would be the right thing for them to do. But I'm following my heart despite my fears, because this is the only situation which meets my needs. And I have decided I have the right to meet my needs no matter what other people think. Someday I hope I can do this without the guilt and anxiety.
I have been reading about existentialism lately.
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7 comments:
My sister taught Existentialism for many years at the community college back home; her favorite book was Martin Buber's "I and Thou". She has a strong exisential thrust, which has both positive and negative consequences. Careful application is a key, for balance.
~ Bonita
Congratulations on your new home.
May Sarton is an interesting author to read re solitude.
As someone who likes to live alone and has done so on and off with great pleasure, your post sort of haunts me. Why in the world would people object to an adult woman choosing to live on her own?
Maybe you have empty nest syndrome - only you both left the nest!
I bet once you have some friends over for devotions or other such gathering it will feel much more like home.
You are a brave lady and willing to make changes in your life, and I admire that!
Love,
Deb
Because I am happily married.
Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir.
I admire you for finding a house, close to work, where you can seek refuge when you need it. I also admire you and Enayat for being able to have independent and interdependent lives. And I completely dig that about maybe being able eventually to do it without the guilt and fear. (My favorite definition of courage is being afraid and doing it anyhow.)
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