Resourceful Girl Changes Light Bulb

Where have I been? I've been busy, that's what. Now that I'm down to one reader . . .

A day off that I wasn't sure would be a day off because I promised that if one of the other nurses got called to jury duty I would come in. I decided that it was only fair, since so far I have called in sick, asked for funeral leave, requested Holy Days off, asked for time off for my nephew's wedding, and asked for an extra day off so I can "do" Ethnic Fest an extra day. Only fair. It took all morning to find out if I was needed or not, so anyway I finally decided I was off the hook, ate my grape nuts with applesauce and soy milk, and I need to buy more grape nuts by the way, and I decided to do a load of laundry, and just when I flipped on the light switch for the little foyer where the laundry sits behind louvered doors [always wanted to use the word louvered], the light bulb blew.

No problem. Right on the shelf over the dryer is a box of CFU's. And I'm looking at the shallow light fixture and thinking that there's no way a CFU is going to fit in there, imagining that the light bulb is in there vertically. So if I need to, I will just leave the fixture off. CFU's all the way.

So I get out my very short stool which I use as seating at my very small and short dining table which is really nothing of the sort, more of a sort of small coffee table, but if I used a regular non-dwarf dining table it would take up my entire very small dining room and all I would do is cover it in papers as my ancestors did before me. So I use a very small table. So I get out this little stool and it's just tall enough for me to reach the light fixture, and now my problems begin.

I start loosening up the screws at the side that hold in the glass fixture, I've done this a thousand times, no problem. One little screw, two little screws, darn. The third screw is stuck. Okay, I need more traction. Don't have a piece of leather, which would be ideal. A piece of that rubbery stuff with holes in it meant for opening jar lids. Doesn't work. Now what? At this point I actually consider calling the landlord. To change a light bulb? No way. I realize this screw, although everyone knows they can be turned with fingers, actually is a screw and has a screw slot in the end.

I probably have fifty screw drivers. Somewhere else. I don't know where they are. No junk drawer here. Go upstairs. Find a drawer that has unsorted junk from one of the junk drawers in the old house [which is probably unsorted from the junk drawers in the house before that.] Oh, good, a short screwdriver just the right length . . . and it's a Philips head. Okay, here's a little metal jackknife. It opens. Knife blade. No good. Try other side. No soap. Won't open. May never know if it's a screw driver blade.

Knife blade won't close. I try a multitude of methods, which if they work, position my fingers in front of the blade so I will be maimed if the blade closes. Doesn't work. Probably for the best. Again I consider calling the landlord. Since I haven't rented an apartment alone since my college dorm room, I'm not sure of the protocol. Surely some of his tenants are so feeble they can't change a light bulb?

Here's a cardboard nail file. Probably break. Here's a hair clip. Metal, thin, a good possibility. Then something makes me try a different drawer. Here's another jackknife. Has a knife blade. Has a screwdriver blade. Bonsai!

Screw turns, fixture gets rinsed out, CFU placed, and fixture actually fits over the CFU.

Resourceful girl wins! Learning? How to spell jackknife.

Epilogue: Recently I decided my Special Power is screaming. I haven't yet decided what it accomplishes.