Free?

Was offered a free newspaper at the grocery store the other day. "Why not? It's free!" he said. "No, it's not," I said. "Yes, it is," he said. By that time I was out the door to load up my groceries, so I didn't stay around to play yes-it-is/no-it's-not. When you give your information to them, which is required to receive a free paper, you are selling your information. For seventy-five cents.

Last time I did this, probably some time in the 80's, I didn't realize I would be looking forward to ten years of solicitor's calls from the News Tribune every six months, usually from someone in Dallas. At this time they had passed the legislation requiring solicitors, if you told them to stop, to stop calling you. Which the News Tribune steadfastly ignored. I would say, "Last time you called, I asked you to stop phoning you. But now you are phoning me again. Which is against the law." "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am."

I also have a card with Safeway. These grocery store cards [all except for Fred Meyer, which works differently] are always promoted as a way to save money at the store. To pay regular grocery prices, it's required to get a card. It's not a save-money card, it's a fail-to-let-them-gouge-you-card.

I always hated the intrusiveness. In the beginning, at Safeway, they would always address me by name at the checkout counter. I go to the store expecting to be anonymous, and in fifteen years I have never gotten used to being addressed by name by a grocery clerk. Except for Mrs. Jackman in the neighborhood store in 1960. Addressing me by name does not make you Mrs. Jackman. It makes you intrusive.

"Don't call me Mrs. Fritz," I would snarl. "We're just being friendly. We're required to do that."

I still have the same card, but a different phone number [fortunately still memorized, for when I forget my card.] I also have changed names at least twice. So when they call me "Mrs. Fritz" it is no longer my name, so I just smile.

Don't even get me started on "Drive safely!" Now I have more manners [slightly] I no longer reply, "What do you think I am? A moron? I'm going to drive out there and see if I can't hit a few light poles."