Monday I take WorkSource Modules all day; Tuesday and Wednesday I rest, basically; today [Thursday] I go to the WorkSource Job Club in the morning, sans breakfast, pick up produce at Cappy's, cook and eat, try to nap, and watch excellent movie "Winter's Bone."
I check my phone for messages just now at 11 PM and realize a voice mail was left for me by "Classy Skilled Nursing Facility" on Monday, requesting an interview, which somehow I missed until today. They are going to think I am an idiot.
Will keep readers updated.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Connections
Yesterday, Monday, I went to Modules 2 and 3 at the WorkSource office, on transferable Skills and Abilities, and Job Search Strategies. Since yesterday was a delightful, sunny day, with lots of sunshine following [and no doubt preceding] lots of rainy days, attendance was skimpy, so there were only one or two other participants. At one point I stood up to attempt a "60-Second Commercial" introducing myself and began talking about what I loved about Nursing: how I love to hear, "you are my favorite nurse"* and how I loved making a difference in people's lives . . . and had to stop because I choked up. And then the tears came. The instructor said, "I can't imagine why you want to leave this profession, when you feel this way!" I blurted out, "because they [bosses] treat us like machines, and I'm sick of it!"
It was good to make that heart connection again, and remember what fires me to want to help and connect with people. I have a lot to think about, as I try to transition into something psychologically and professionally safer. In the meantime, I mailed a neat application, a new resume and a cover letter to the Classy Skilled Nursing Facility on Friday. I'm always in this Catch 22 trap: I'm a f***-up in a challenging position which is classified as In Demand, so I'm continually under stress, continually failing in some way, but unable to draw an income any other way so I can change gears and turn the corner to get out. And there's little support from the State for making a transition, so I fall through the cracks.
*Even though the cynical part of me realizes that people are often being manipulative when they say I'm their favorite nurse, it still feels good to hear it.
I play "Yes, but" a lot when people say, "oh, you should try this" or "have you thought of that?" Part of feeling stuck is that I've pondered a lot of options, but always found some reasons, usually aspects of my brain wiring or personality, why they wouldn't work. This last two weeks I've heard a lot of suggestions for options I've already tried, such as home health.
I'm terrible at making connections, networking, collecting people for references. I'm so pitiful at the latter that my only two good solid references date back to two lovely nurses I worked with at Gentiva, and have such a hard time keeping track of them that I call them whenever I lose a job, just to make sure they're still alive and have the same phone number. I'm also not very enterprising, which limits what I can do with the arts in terms of supporting myself.
What has really amazed me lately is how that brazen little voice in my head is becoming more distinctive, coming out of the woodwork like the worms which crawl out of the soil when the hobbits are hiding from the Nazgul. That snide but effective little voice saying, "you're nothing, you're worthless, and you'll never do anything right."
It was good to make that heart connection again, and remember what fires me to want to help and connect with people. I have a lot to think about, as I try to transition into something psychologically and professionally safer. In the meantime, I mailed a neat application, a new resume and a cover letter to the Classy Skilled Nursing Facility on Friday. I'm always in this Catch 22 trap: I'm a f***-up in a challenging position which is classified as In Demand, so I'm continually under stress, continually failing in some way, but unable to draw an income any other way so I can change gears and turn the corner to get out. And there's little support from the State for making a transition, so I fall through the cracks.
*Even though the cynical part of me realizes that people are often being manipulative when they say I'm their favorite nurse, it still feels good to hear it.
I play "Yes, but" a lot when people say, "oh, you should try this" or "have you thought of that?" Part of feeling stuck is that I've pondered a lot of options, but always found some reasons, usually aspects of my brain wiring or personality, why they wouldn't work. This last two weeks I've heard a lot of suggestions for options I've already tried, such as home health.
I'm terrible at making connections, networking, collecting people for references. I'm so pitiful at the latter that my only two good solid references date back to two lovely nurses I worked with at Gentiva, and have such a hard time keeping track of them that I call them whenever I lose a job, just to make sure they're still alive and have the same phone number. I'm also not very enterprising, which limits what I can do with the arts in terms of supporting myself.
What has really amazed me lately is how that brazen little voice in my head is becoming more distinctive, coming out of the woodwork like the worms which crawl out of the soil when the hobbits are hiding from the Nazgul. That snide but effective little voice saying, "you're nothing, you're worthless, and you'll never do anything right."
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Tide Pools, Ducklings, and Smalls
Yesterday I drove to Tukwila and picked up a lady who wishes to move to Puyallup as a "homefront pioneer" but still lives in Whatcom County. We came back to Puyallup to find an apartment for her that qualifies for Section 8. We had a list of such, but we weren't sure if it was complete. Anyway, first we stopped for coffee [for her] and Rooibos tea for me and started to organize our search. Then we went to the Crossroads apartments and the very helpful person there spent at least 20 minutes looking online and phoning people to get a viable list of apartments that take Section 8. She may have saved us, not just hours, but days, as we would have driven to one complex and the next to find out merely which apts qualified. So blessings on her.
The first complex we checked seemed to have a barbeque going on nearby. Actually, my friend discovered that the beauty bark was burning behind the show apartment. There was a circle of ash in the midst of the bark, with smoke rising from it, and even an area impinging on the building. We weren't impressed with their response to the emergency, part of which consisted of kicking dirt, which was more beauty bark, onto the smoldering mess.
Anyway, we drove around all day, then back to Tukwila, and I got back at dusk. That was my Saturday.
Today I went to Titlow Park Beach and joined a "Tiptoe Through the Tidepools" nature walk. At first, looking at a great expanse of round, slippery and muddy rocks covered in seaweed, I wasn't very impressed. Then, tagging behind some families that knew their way around a little better, I saw some exciting things.
I saw red crabs from 4 to 8 inches across the shell, orange and purple sea stars, small 4" multi-armed sun stars, a limpet, a tiny juvenile red octopus, a small fish which resembled an eel but was called something else--didn't write down the name, and forgot--and a multitude of barnacles on every rock. I thought about making a small quilt on the theme, due to the multiple colors of sea life there. I also learned to identify three types of seaweed, and saw tiny shrimp, and lots of small humans. It was a great morning in the sunshine. After the walk, I took my book and a skimpy lunch and read in the sunshine at the park.
Driving home I passed DeCoursey Park in Puyallup and couldn't resist seeing if there were ducklings yet. I read some more in the sun and watched 3 or 4 families of ducks with ducklings swimming up and down the river. One had "junior youth" sized lings. And there were lots more small humans.
Came home and had some beet soup and toast, filed my weekly claim, and I'm preparing to wash some clothes.
And that's my Sunday.
The first complex we checked seemed to have a barbeque going on nearby. Actually, my friend discovered that the beauty bark was burning behind the show apartment. There was a circle of ash in the midst of the bark, with smoke rising from it, and even an area impinging on the building. We weren't impressed with their response to the emergency, part of which consisted of kicking dirt, which was more beauty bark, onto the smoldering mess.
Anyway, we drove around all day, then back to Tukwila, and I got back at dusk. That was my Saturday.
Today I went to Titlow Park Beach and joined a "Tiptoe Through the Tidepools" nature walk. At first, looking at a great expanse of round, slippery and muddy rocks covered in seaweed, I wasn't very impressed. Then, tagging behind some families that knew their way around a little better, I saw some exciting things.
I saw red crabs from 4 to 8 inches across the shell, orange and purple sea stars, small 4" multi-armed sun stars, a limpet, a tiny juvenile red octopus, a small fish which resembled an eel but was called something else--didn't write down the name, and forgot--and a multitude of barnacles on every rock. I thought about making a small quilt on the theme, due to the multiple colors of sea life there. I also learned to identify three types of seaweed, and saw tiny shrimp, and lots of small humans. It was a great morning in the sunshine. After the walk, I took my book and a skimpy lunch and read in the sunshine at the park.
Driving home I passed DeCoursey Park in Puyallup and couldn't resist seeing if there were ducklings yet. I read some more in the sun and watched 3 or 4 families of ducks with ducklings swimming up and down the river. One had "junior youth" sized lings. And there were lots more small humans.
Came home and had some beet soup and toast, filed my weekly claim, and I'm preparing to wash some clothes.
And that's my Sunday.
Friday, May 4, 2012
My First Week of Unemployment
Hello,
It's been a busy week. I got certain things done on Friday the 27th. On the 28th I went to Feast in the evening in Pierce County. On Sunday the 29th I went for a walk with friends at Clark Creek Park, where I struggled to keep up, as exercising has taken last place on my schedule while I was working full time, but it was a pleasant journey. We stopped to say prayers in the woods, with sun peeping through the trees, and the sounds of the creek and the birdsong. In the evening I went to a Holy Day potluck in Northeast Tacoma which was wonderful. I was excited as I found a new route from Puyallup through Fife to NE Tacoma which is very simple and saves a lot of time.
Monday I researched lawyers on the internet, going from the online yellow pages, for two hours. I contacted one firm through their form, which focuses solely on employment law from the point of view of the employee, not the employer [there were plenty of those.] They must have discerned there was no money in the case, as I never heard from them. I went to Feast at Tacoma, which was also wonderful. I ate a lot of unhealthy but very delicious food. I missed so many Feasts and Holy Days while I was working full time evenings, that I had a lot to "make up."
Tuesday I finally filed for unemployment online, printed out the application for a skilled nursing facility in the north end of Tacoma which is a very classy place, meaning I either will fit in very well, or I won't. I had my final meeting with the Human Resources Director and the Executive Director at my old job, which was at least civil, even though we failed to really come to an agreement about what I should have done during the episode which cost me my job. They did say that they will not release any information to other companies about the circumstances. [So it is up to me and my conscience to report to prospective employers the circumstances of my termination, when they ask.]
Wednesday, May 2 was very busy. I was up very early [for a person working until now on the evening shift] and attended an orientation to WorkSource, what used to be known as the Employment Agency. I came home for lunch, returned and went to a very useful workshop on interviewing skills and techniques, which was very encouraging. I then drove out to a Holy Day celebration in Northeast Tacoma, an hour and fifteen minutes late, but I was welcomed anyway. That was enjoyable, but I wasn't catching up on my sleep.
Thursday I slept in somewhat, went to the Library and returned a DVD which I had waited for months for, but now don't have the time or interest to watch . . . seems like a pity. I'm reading a lot of books by Michael Connelly, enjoying them a lot. Then I attended another seminar on writing resumes and cover letters, which I thought was very useful.
This morning I printed out again the application for the skilled nursing facility I mentioned before. I'd had the impression that they had an online version, so I had used the app. for a "dummy", filling it out as a reference for applying online. Today I realized it is necessary to mail in the app, so I filled out a nice copy, wrote a new resume, and wrote a specific cover letter to the company, signed and delivered to the Post Office to go out on the last pick up.
In the meantime, I heard from a Baha'i who wishes to move to Puyallup, and is staying for a few days in Tukwila. Tomorrow we arranged for me to drive up and bring her to Puyallup to hunt for apartments or whatever. I just printed out three different ways to get there from here, so I can think about which way will be simplest.
After mailing off my application, I went back to Clark Creek park for another walk. The sun again was peeking through the trees, making it a beautiful walk. I decided to bring a walking stick next time, in case I slip in the mud or on a root, or trip or step on a moving piece of gravel. Since I'm not as fit as I used to be, and less adept, also my eyesight is more difficult with progressive lenses, I realized I need to take more precautions. Sad to be aging, and no, it doesn't beat the alternative. But I have lots to do, yet.
I need to cook tonight. Possibly some beet soup, which will last awhile.
Sunday I will file my weekly claim with my job search record [even though I am sure it will be rejected, I have to try], and I'm thinking of taking the family Nature Walk at Titlow Park. Monday, another seminar at WorkSource on skills and job search techniques. I was informed that this particular seminar is good for figuring out how to transfer skills to some other type of job, if possible.
I continue to appreciate the encouragement I receive from everyone.
It's been a busy week. I got certain things done on Friday the 27th. On the 28th I went to Feast in the evening in Pierce County. On Sunday the 29th I went for a walk with friends at Clark Creek Park, where I struggled to keep up, as exercising has taken last place on my schedule while I was working full time, but it was a pleasant journey. We stopped to say prayers in the woods, with sun peeping through the trees, and the sounds of the creek and the birdsong. In the evening I went to a Holy Day potluck in Northeast Tacoma which was wonderful. I was excited as I found a new route from Puyallup through Fife to NE Tacoma which is very simple and saves a lot of time.
Monday I researched lawyers on the internet, going from the online yellow pages, for two hours. I contacted one firm through their form, which focuses solely on employment law from the point of view of the employee, not the employer [there were plenty of those.] They must have discerned there was no money in the case, as I never heard from them. I went to Feast at Tacoma, which was also wonderful. I ate a lot of unhealthy but very delicious food. I missed so many Feasts and Holy Days while I was working full time evenings, that I had a lot to "make up."
Tuesday I finally filed for unemployment online, printed out the application for a skilled nursing facility in the north end of Tacoma which is a very classy place, meaning I either will fit in very well, or I won't. I had my final meeting with the Human Resources Director and the Executive Director at my old job, which was at least civil, even though we failed to really come to an agreement about what I should have done during the episode which cost me my job. They did say that they will not release any information to other companies about the circumstances. [So it is up to me and my conscience to report to prospective employers the circumstances of my termination, when they ask.]
Wednesday, May 2 was very busy. I was up very early [for a person working until now on the evening shift] and attended an orientation to WorkSource, what used to be known as the Employment Agency. I came home for lunch, returned and went to a very useful workshop on interviewing skills and techniques, which was very encouraging. I then drove out to a Holy Day celebration in Northeast Tacoma, an hour and fifteen minutes late, but I was welcomed anyway. That was enjoyable, but I wasn't catching up on my sleep.
Thursday I slept in somewhat, went to the Library and returned a DVD which I had waited for months for, but now don't have the time or interest to watch . . . seems like a pity. I'm reading a lot of books by Michael Connelly, enjoying them a lot. Then I attended another seminar on writing resumes and cover letters, which I thought was very useful.
This morning I printed out again the application for the skilled nursing facility I mentioned before. I'd had the impression that they had an online version, so I had used the app. for a "dummy", filling it out as a reference for applying online. Today I realized it is necessary to mail in the app, so I filled out a nice copy, wrote a new resume, and wrote a specific cover letter to the company, signed and delivered to the Post Office to go out on the last pick up.
In the meantime, I heard from a Baha'i who wishes to move to Puyallup, and is staying for a few days in Tukwila. Tomorrow we arranged for me to drive up and bring her to Puyallup to hunt for apartments or whatever. I just printed out three different ways to get there from here, so I can think about which way will be simplest.
After mailing off my application, I went back to Clark Creek park for another walk. The sun again was peeking through the trees, making it a beautiful walk. I decided to bring a walking stick next time, in case I slip in the mud or on a root, or trip or step on a moving piece of gravel. Since I'm not as fit as I used to be, and less adept, also my eyesight is more difficult with progressive lenses, I realized I need to take more precautions. Sad to be aging, and no, it doesn't beat the alternative. But I have lots to do, yet.
I need to cook tonight. Possibly some beet soup, which will last awhile.
Sunday I will file my weekly claim with my job search record [even though I am sure it will be rejected, I have to try], and I'm thinking of taking the family Nature Walk at Titlow Park. Monday, another seminar at WorkSource on skills and job search techniques. I was informed that this particular seminar is good for figuring out how to transfer skills to some other type of job, if possible.
I continue to appreciate the encouragement I receive from everyone.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
[I got thrown for a minute. The format of the template for posting has changed. I was surprised.]
Hello, I'm unemployed as of yesterday morning. I'm very concerned about cash flow, i.e. paying my bills, but otherwise feeling okay. I think it's because I have been so stressed out at work, worrying about losing my job, that actually losing it is not causing me that much more stress.
As usual when this happens, I am reevaluating what I want to do next, whether I want to keep working as a nurse or find some other way to make money, or whether it's possible to do something I might actually find more self-actualizing, fulfilling, or find or create a situation where I was contributing to improving life, not just plugging leaks. A number of options come to mind, but figuring out how to draw income from them, for me, is always the catch.
The sun is shining on my day off! For now, in a way, they're all days off. In the Sunday paper from last week I found a local hike this morning at Swan Creek that I plan to participate in, as I have never been there. I always drive past on my way to somewhere else. Maybe for a few days I can stop doing that: driving past. Maybe I can take time to explore the things I want to, maybe not. From where I sit, the world seems full of people whose lives work the way they want. I wish them well. Most of the time I pour huge amounts of energy into just making it, mostly, and the rest of life passes me by. Most of the time I wait to die. Sorry, but it's true.
During my suspension from work for two days I reread journalist Roxana Saberi's book about her experiences in Evin prison in Iran on suspicion of spying, in 2009. I appreciate her courage more and more. Whenever I read a book about someone being victimized, I empathize deeply. Somehow I relate the loss of my job to either going into prison, or getting out, I'm not sure which. Work at "Mountain View" was a prison, no doubt. But being out of work is another type of prison. I'm still in debt from the last time I was out of work. The worst prison, for me, is living in a world where the bottom line is either having the cash you need to make it, or not. And where it's necessary to play a confidence game to earn that cash. I keep running out of confidence.
I had a wonderful phone call from my sister yesterday evening, speaking on a deeper level than we usually get to do. Everyone's encouragement helps me. One thing I became clearer about from our talk was that whenever I get ideas for things I could do [to earn money] that I might actually enjoy doing, I find all the faults with the idea for why it won't work, and cut it [the idea] off at the knees.
My mind is spinning in circles, but I'm spending way less time in self-recrimination this time. And that is an encouraging thought.
Thanks, everyone, for all the encouragement, listening, positive thoughts and prayers!
Till next time.
Hello, I'm unemployed as of yesterday morning. I'm very concerned about cash flow, i.e. paying my bills, but otherwise feeling okay. I think it's because I have been so stressed out at work, worrying about losing my job, that actually losing it is not causing me that much more stress.
As usual when this happens, I am reevaluating what I want to do next, whether I want to keep working as a nurse or find some other way to make money, or whether it's possible to do something I might actually find more self-actualizing, fulfilling, or find or create a situation where I was contributing to improving life, not just plugging leaks. A number of options come to mind, but figuring out how to draw income from them, for me, is always the catch.
The sun is shining on my day off! For now, in a way, they're all days off. In the Sunday paper from last week I found a local hike this morning at Swan Creek that I plan to participate in, as I have never been there. I always drive past on my way to somewhere else. Maybe for a few days I can stop doing that: driving past. Maybe I can take time to explore the things I want to, maybe not. From where I sit, the world seems full of people whose lives work the way they want. I wish them well. Most of the time I pour huge amounts of energy into just making it, mostly, and the rest of life passes me by. Most of the time I wait to die. Sorry, but it's true.
During my suspension from work for two days I reread journalist Roxana Saberi's book about her experiences in Evin prison in Iran on suspicion of spying, in 2009. I appreciate her courage more and more. Whenever I read a book about someone being victimized, I empathize deeply. Somehow I relate the loss of my job to either going into prison, or getting out, I'm not sure which. Work at "Mountain View" was a prison, no doubt. But being out of work is another type of prison. I'm still in debt from the last time I was out of work. The worst prison, for me, is living in a world where the bottom line is either having the cash you need to make it, or not. And where it's necessary to play a confidence game to earn that cash. I keep running out of confidence.
I had a wonderful phone call from my sister yesterday evening, speaking on a deeper level than we usually get to do. Everyone's encouragement helps me. One thing I became clearer about from our talk was that whenever I get ideas for things I could do [to earn money] that I might actually enjoy doing, I find all the faults with the idea for why it won't work, and cut it [the idea] off at the knees.
My mind is spinning in circles, but I'm spending way less time in self-recrimination this time. And that is an encouraging thought.
Thanks, everyone, for all the encouragement, listening, positive thoughts and prayers!
Till next time.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Inspirations: or, My Latest Pilaf
I went to Feast tonight, as I have the evening off. So many evenings I work, that having a day off on the same day as the Feast, which comes every 19 days [Feast, not day off], is rare. I become spiritually "hungry". [When I first heard of Feast, I envisioned a roasting pig, but I discovered that it is a spiritual, not a material, term.] Anyway, it is a real pleasure to gather with the friends, read prayers and sing and consult and socialize, and I became very inspired.
The subject of coconut milk came up, which I regard scientifically as sort of a heart attack in a can; however, I was telling about how I used to use it when I made pilaf. As I drove home, even though it is a little late for cooking, I decided to make some. This version differs from years ago when I couldn't have imagined leaving out the meat [usually chicken or beef] or using brown instead of white rice.
What I like about my pilaf is the blend of creaminess from the coconut milk, sweetness from the raisins, and spiciness from the cayenne, tabasco and ginger root.
Pilaf With Beans
1 cup brown rice, rinsed and drained [Basmati or other fragrant rice preferred.]
1 can [5 + ounces] coconut milk [you could use less; I used to use about an ounce and used to freeze 1/4 cup servings of coconut milk in separate snack-sized ziploc bags so I wasn't using so much]
olive oil, cumin, coriander, basil, oregano, dill, sea salt, ground cayenne pepper
a few shakes green Tabasco sauce; a drop of liquid smoke flavoring
grate with small palm-sized grater: 1 + cloves garlic*, a cubic inch or so ginger root, same with Turmeric root [which I have only ever found at Marlene's Deli in Tacoma]
2 carrots sliced thinly; 2 stalks celery, sliced; 1/2 onion diced; entire red bell pepper, diced
1 can red beans, drained [we now save the bean "juice" in a jar in the fridge as soup stock. Pearl thought of that.]
6 or 7 whole sundried tomatoes, cut up with scissors
about 1/2 cup raisins
2 cups water
*I never use a garlic mincer any more. I either grate it, or just slice it up as the vegetable that it is.
Place oil in wok, add seasonings and saute on high a couple minutes while you rinse the rice, then add rice. Saute the rice in the oil and seasonings a minute or two, then stir in the raisins and vegetables and saute. By this time it's necessary to turn the heat down to medium. Meanwhile grate in the garlic, ginger and turmeric. Add water and coconut milk, beans, sundried tomatoes, tabasco and liquid smoke [and anything else I may have left out.] Bring to a boil, lower heat to medium, and cook covered for about 45 minutes until liquid is absorbed.
The subject of coconut milk came up, which I regard scientifically as sort of a heart attack in a can; however, I was telling about how I used to use it when I made pilaf. As I drove home, even though it is a little late for cooking, I decided to make some. This version differs from years ago when I couldn't have imagined leaving out the meat [usually chicken or beef] or using brown instead of white rice.
What I like about my pilaf is the blend of creaminess from the coconut milk, sweetness from the raisins, and spiciness from the cayenne, tabasco and ginger root.
Pilaf With Beans
1 cup brown rice, rinsed and drained [Basmati or other fragrant rice preferred.]
1 can [5 + ounces] coconut milk [you could use less; I used to use about an ounce and used to freeze 1/4 cup servings of coconut milk in separate snack-sized ziploc bags so I wasn't using so much]
olive oil, cumin, coriander, basil, oregano, dill, sea salt, ground cayenne pepper
a few shakes green Tabasco sauce; a drop of liquid smoke flavoring
grate with small palm-sized grater: 1 + cloves garlic*, a cubic inch or so ginger root, same with Turmeric root [which I have only ever found at Marlene's Deli in Tacoma]
2 carrots sliced thinly; 2 stalks celery, sliced; 1/2 onion diced; entire red bell pepper, diced
1 can red beans, drained [we now save the bean "juice" in a jar in the fridge as soup stock. Pearl thought of that.]
6 or 7 whole sundried tomatoes, cut up with scissors
about 1/2 cup raisins
2 cups water
*I never use a garlic mincer any more. I either grate it, or just slice it up as the vegetable that it is.
Place oil in wok, add seasonings and saute on high a couple minutes while you rinse the rice, then add rice. Saute the rice in the oil and seasonings a minute or two, then stir in the raisins and vegetables and saute. By this time it's necessary to turn the heat down to medium. Meanwhile grate in the garlic, ginger and turmeric. Add water and coconut milk, beans, sundried tomatoes, tabasco and liquid smoke [and anything else I may have left out.] Bring to a boil, lower heat to medium, and cook covered for about 45 minutes until liquid is absorbed.
Severing Attachment to the World
I sharpened my knives today.
For the last several years I've been using the knife set Pearl received for her wedding. Even past the end of her marriage, and after moving out of the house we all shared, I ended up with this knife set, which is complete, a pretty good set, and I'm used to it. Pearl has been again sharing my current townhouse, and is getting ready to move out, and I figure the knives are hers and I should return them to her when she moves.
When Pearl first moved in I had been living alone for the last year, and I was wondering how I would deal with sharing my house. The thing about independence is having everything your own way, with your own routines and so forth. The down side, which I was accustomed to, is loneliness. However, I've really been in love with my daughter since she was born, and she has matured a lot lately, and we take a lot of joy in spending time together. Now I'm having anticipatory grieving, as she will be moving out next week. I will miss her cheerful voice, her smile, her stealth hugs, and sense of humor. I delayed packing up the set of knives because I was used to them--attached to them--and they came to symbolize giving up my living arrangement with Pearl.
Today it felt like the right time, so I made sure her knives were all together, none dirty or left behind in the dishwasher, and packed them up. I gathered together my knives, which were scattered around the kitchen and tucked away in drawers. I have, as it turned out, an eclectic collection of at least four French knives, two serrated bread knives, two smaller serrated knives, and two paring knives, as well as an odd-sized small French knife and a tiny boning knife. One or two were from my previous marriage, some I had bought retail, and some I had found second hand. Fortunately I had a new pair of kitchen shears, from the time I left the scissors from Pearl's set in the garage and couldn't find them for weeks.
They were mostly pretty dull, as I found out. I got out my electric knife sharpener which I have never used. Actually, I had given the sharpener to Pearl and Charles for one of their anniversaries, and I also ended up with it. So I gathered knives, tomatoes, and read the directions.
I developed a system. For each knife I made a preliminary attempt at slicing a tomato, sharpened the knife, and tested the results. I have accidentally sliced my fingers so many times in the last few years that I had no intention of testing the blades with my fingers. It was very gratifying to see the improvements after sharpening. Afterwards we ate tomato sandwiches: a split whole wheat English muffin, toasted, with vegenaise and slices of tomato. Very refreshing.
Two of them were Cutco knives which I had purchased from my previous husband when he was a student trying out the "job" of selling knives to relatives and friends. Although they lack elegance and style, they keep their edge very well, and did not need much sharpening. As for the others, apparently keeping the knives on a magnetic strip as I did in the past, dulls the knives. Anyway, I picked out two of my second-hand knife blocks, washed them well, and set out the best knives in those. The rest I placed in a drawer lined with a towel.
And that has to be the most boring blog post I have ever written.
Thank you.
For the last several years I've been using the knife set Pearl received for her wedding. Even past the end of her marriage, and after moving out of the house we all shared, I ended up with this knife set, which is complete, a pretty good set, and I'm used to it. Pearl has been again sharing my current townhouse, and is getting ready to move out, and I figure the knives are hers and I should return them to her when she moves.
When Pearl first moved in I had been living alone for the last year, and I was wondering how I would deal with sharing my house. The thing about independence is having everything your own way, with your own routines and so forth. The down side, which I was accustomed to, is loneliness. However, I've really been in love with my daughter since she was born, and she has matured a lot lately, and we take a lot of joy in spending time together. Now I'm having anticipatory grieving, as she will be moving out next week. I will miss her cheerful voice, her smile, her stealth hugs, and sense of humor. I delayed packing up the set of knives because I was used to them--attached to them--and they came to symbolize giving up my living arrangement with Pearl.
Today it felt like the right time, so I made sure her knives were all together, none dirty or left behind in the dishwasher, and packed them up. I gathered together my knives, which were scattered around the kitchen and tucked away in drawers. I have, as it turned out, an eclectic collection of at least four French knives, two serrated bread knives, two smaller serrated knives, and two paring knives, as well as an odd-sized small French knife and a tiny boning knife. One or two were from my previous marriage, some I had bought retail, and some I had found second hand. Fortunately I had a new pair of kitchen shears, from the time I left the scissors from Pearl's set in the garage and couldn't find them for weeks.
They were mostly pretty dull, as I found out. I got out my electric knife sharpener which I have never used. Actually, I had given the sharpener to Pearl and Charles for one of their anniversaries, and I also ended up with it. So I gathered knives, tomatoes, and read the directions.
I developed a system. For each knife I made a preliminary attempt at slicing a tomato, sharpened the knife, and tested the results. I have accidentally sliced my fingers so many times in the last few years that I had no intention of testing the blades with my fingers. It was very gratifying to see the improvements after sharpening. Afterwards we ate tomato sandwiches: a split whole wheat English muffin, toasted, with vegenaise and slices of tomato. Very refreshing.
Two of them were Cutco knives which I had purchased from my previous husband when he was a student trying out the "job" of selling knives to relatives and friends. Although they lack elegance and style, they keep their edge very well, and did not need much sharpening. As for the others, apparently keeping the knives on a magnetic strip as I did in the past, dulls the knives. Anyway, I picked out two of my second-hand knife blocks, washed them well, and set out the best knives in those. The rest I placed in a drawer lined with a towel.
And that has to be the most boring blog post I have ever written.
Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
