The Awful Waffles

I share this sad experience so no one else will have to travel the same lonesome path . . .

My circumstances being that I am changing to a whole foods, plant based diet, and that I love to experiment with cooking, most of what I make lately is an experiment. Not all my experiments work out. That's just basically the law of averages. I've created some incredibly good recipes, mostly soups. But. I'm not going to hit 100%.

We went to the Second Sunday Devotional with Waffles [conventional egg and milk waffles, well-made and delicious] this morning. Fired up by the new lectures I've been studying online by eCornell, especially by Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, Jr. and Dr. John McDougall on reversing coronary artery disease with a strict plant-based diet, I decided to bring an alternative waffle batter.

I started with a cup of buckwheat* pancake/waffle mix, added a cube of Mori-Nu tofu which in some dishes substitutes very well for eggs. [Both are white, mushy and full of fatty acids.] Then I goofed around by adding about a cup of applesauce and one cup dry oats cooked in soy milk: see, we are already getting way too moist. I added a squirt of agave syrup, and about a tablespoon of grape seed oil because I was hoping to avoid having the batter stick to the waffle iron, which belonged to the host. Thinned out the batter with soy milk. And about a tablespoon of ground flax seed for the health of it.

Okay, first of all, eggs are a binder, sticky, and cause the batter to keep sticking together as the heat coagulates the eggs and cooks the waffles. No eggs, less sticking-together. [On the other hand, we don't want the inner aspect of our arteries sticky, either, which is what eggs and dairy fats accomplish efficiently.] Second of all, buckwheat is not like wheat: it does not have the same level [if any?] of gluten, another sticky, binding quality. Third, too much moisture, so the waffles were never going to cook all the way through. Fourth, the agave syrup, similar to honey, caused a tendency to burn on the outside, while the inside was still uncooked.

We coated the waffle iron surface with olive oil, although we know it breaks down under high heat, but it was healthier than butter. We also added some frozen blueberries, which delay cooking time. After about five or ten minutes the waffler signaled that the waffles were as done as they were going to be. Although we didn't have the scenario of the waffle sticking inside the pan and creating a horrible mess, it took some careful extraction with a plastic spatula to remove it. The exterior was very dark, with an odd, waxy texture. The inside was barely cooked.

While I was fooling around with my initial waffle, my daughter was happily eating those provided by the host; by the time I extricated it from the waffle iron, most guests were moving on to the scrambled eggs and yogurt and working their way out to the living room to visit.

Okay, I thought, this batter won't work for waffles. Too friable. Let's see if it's still fryable. So I tried making pancakes. [I have made successful pancakes in the past with tofu instead of eggs, but I was using wheat, not buckwheat.] Same difficulties, but easier to get the pseudo pancakes to turn in the skillet. Pretty much a failure all around. Here's reason # 437 I'm in love with my husband. He's so positive. Even though, waiting for these monstrosities to emerge from the kitchen, he had to be pretty hungry, he stayed positive. "They could probably have cooked a little more, but they're delicious."

My plans for the leftover batter: see if it will cook up into muffins. Never say die.

Actually, I had fun with all of this. The only truly painful part was that, while I was still struggling with the vaguely pancake-shaped objects in the kitchen that burned on the outside while refusing to cook on the inside, was this: missing the puns I could tell were emanating from the living room. The most unkindest cut of all.

Next time I will bring potatoes.

*Buckwheat, despite the "wheat" in the name, is not related to wheat and not a grain. It is an ancient variety of grass. That makes the cooking properties different.