The Odd Hen

INFP's. Three or four percent of the world's population are estimated to be wired and think the way I think, according to Myers-Briggs. It's no surprise that it is challenging to fit into a place where my way of thinking is not understood. I can't really explain myself. When met with a critical attitude, all I can do is gut it out, pray for unity, and hope that eventually my positive attributes will become apparent.

In a tight or fast-moving situation, especially at work, the response I often get from people is that I am dumb, slow, lazy and I just don't care. I think it's largely because I think deeply and don't feel I truly understand what is going on, understand the issues, or understand how to accomplish something until I have thought it through and thoroughly analyzed it. That's why I don't try to work in acute care settings such as the emergency room. I have the knowledge base, but don't have that snap, snap, snap quick decision-making skill.

Once I am "up to speed" on something, my decisions will be very well-grounded.

I recently did "rounds" with a nurse wound consultant and the two other RCM's at five AM at work, visiting and assessing wounds on certain residents on my wing. I was barely awake, the treatment cart was ill-organized [not usually my domain, so I hadn't gone through it thoroughly]; I stumbled and mumbled when asked to quickly give reviews of the person's history and treatment, had difficulty retrieving supplies from the treatment cart in a hurry . . . you get the picture. The three other individuals clearly were impatient, and their responses ranged from rude to contemptuous to downright hostile.

It was the same feeling I had in one job years ago in a kitchen, trying to quickly put away plates extremely hot from the dishwasher without knowing where the plates were supposed to go. I think I put up with the burned fingers and the hostility for about two weeks, and when I quit, faced the hostility, contempt and disdain of the person who referred me to the job.

Remember My days during thy days, and My distress and banishment in this remote prison. And be thou so steadfast in My love that thy heart shall not waver, even if the swords of the enemies rain blows upon thee and all the heavens and the earth arise against thee . . . be not of those who doubt.

~Baha'u'llah

Recently someone at a Feast commented that it is comforting to know that people such as Baha'u'llah, 'Abdu'l-Baha, and Shoghi Effendi suffered through everything we suffer through, and worse. I can think of one thing I don't believe they suffered through: self doubt.

Scientific studies show that when one hen is marked in some way which sets her apart, other hens peck at her; peck her to death.

Sometimes I wish the death would come sooner.