Nothing Brilliant

Sometimes I have a well-thought out essay. Sometimes I just journal.

For the Fast, since I haven't tolerated fasting due to low blood sugar for several years, this year I am giving up something I never should do to begin with: backbiting.

At midnight, when I can, I say a certain "prayer of great power" I received from a friend on the internet, which I won't quote because of uncertain authenticity. It involves making a petition, saying a prayer, then following with 95 repetitions of the Greatest Name of God, "God is Most Glorious," "Allah-u-Abha" in Arabic. Usually I have a number of petitions, which I lump together, or it would take all night.

To help release me from the terrible habit of backbiting, which I learned at my parents' knees, first I ask that I stop enjoying backbiting, then I ask that I will stop wanting to do it, then that I will stop doing it. Then the prayer and the recitation of the Greatest Name. Then during the day I stay mindful of my promise to myself to stop.

It is interesting that I, almost as an observer, hear comments come to my mind, then I realize the nature of the comment, and ask myself if there is any reason to make the comment, and find that I don't want to after all. I also realize that I have been the primary purveyor of this sort of talk at work. Things are more peaceful and quiet since then.

This is a deeply ingrained habit, and I hold no illusion that just in a few days I have this licked, but I intend to keep on as long as is necessary. Keep praying for me.