Catching Up

I've been away from the computer on and off for awhile. Last week I was felled by an excruciating bout of depression, probably triggered by the number of hours I've been working and the intensity of the work, plus the number of concerns I have with my two households and feeling overwhelmed on all scores. I don't like to blog in that state of mind. I'm reluctant to come across with so much attention on the self, my sadness, anger, frustration, or self-pity unless there is some way to either make the world better with it [unlikely] or show a happy ending. So I stayed offline mostly.

My focus has been on catching up on sleep and continuing to invent things to make with plant-based whole foods. Well, mostly whole. In this incredibly revolutionary diet change I am making, probably my biggest challenge is the emotional attachment I feel to my previous diet of "anything goes with occasional forays into more healthful eating." There seems to still be an incredible amount of conscious and unconscious fear involved with leaving behind the world of food that I always knew. I think that my continual, but mostly subdued, feeling of panic has kept me eating too much, as if to ensure that I will survive.

Somewhere 'Abdu'l-Baha said that "war is the struggle for survival." So I tend to usually turn that around. Whenever I experience what I perceive [rationally or not] as a struggle for survival, I remember that is a sort of war.

I need to stay committed to my health and still find a way to be at peace. [Smiling] Probably I need to rely on God instead of food for my sense of security.