It Ain't Nohow Permanent

In the comic strip Pogo, in the mouth [or maybe it was in the beak] of one of his characters, Walt Kelly comments: "Don't take life so serious, son--it ain't nohow permanent."

I've been failing at my relationships, in the throws of a struggle to save my house by refinancing, feeling extremely stressed at work, and kind of wishing for death, which shows how depressed I am. Buddhism teaches that the cause of suffering is attachment.

In the fall of 2006, my daughter and son-in-law were living with me in my former house, and I was looking at us a happy extended family. So I accepted my son-in-law's help in putting down some money on a down payment and closing costs for a house I could afford the interest-only payments for, but really couldn't afford. Let me count the ways that was dumb. Fast-forward the 31 months my [now former] son-in-law lived in the house without having to make any of the outrageous mortgage payments, and I decided to try to refinance a house for which the two loans are worth about a third to a half more than the estimated resale value of the home.

Eventually the current interest-only mortgage payments will rise to an unaffordable rate and I will be facing foreclosure and I will lose the house. If the house is foreclosed it will trash my credit and I will not be able to purchase a home, only rent one. I have tons of stuff and three cats.

Here is why I would like to stay here, besides the huge cost of moving and the enormous hassle. It has a huge yard abutting other huge yards [instead of looking out on other roofs as in a development]; a wonderful unobstructed view of Mt. Rainier out of my bedroom window; speaking of windows I put in very expensive energy-efficient vinyl windows last year; I redid my bath enclosure in beautiful ceramic tile; the kitchen and dining room floor, once vinyl, are now mahogany hardwood, thanks to moi; and I have great ideas for re-doing the kitchen if I ever get rich. And my stuff and daughter and cats are here.

Former Son-in-law wants his "investment" back, and refuses to sign the quit-claim deed to get off the title and the mortgage, even though I could have sworn he has indicated in the past his motivation to get off the mortgage. So here we are, stuck. Meanwhile I am on my first extension of the refinance offer/process with my bank and time is running out. The good news is that I went to a lawyer, who is friendly and nice and wonderful. Whether her approach to son-in-law is effective or obtains desired results in the short amount of time left, remains to be seen.

I hate waiting to see what happens. Even though I've done what I can, and at this stage things are out of my hands, I hate the suspense. Will I have to say goodbye to my wonderful home? I practice saying goodbye subconsciously a hundred times a day. This is where I need more detachment so I can move on with my life.

Which ain't nohow permanent, anyway.