Fasting and Detachment

I lost the ability, physically, to fast after my daughter was born and I weaned her. I tried to go back to fasting after two years and apparently I was having insulin resistance and hypoglycemia; I would get horrible headaches and be unable to think. This has been a huge test for me. Many years I kept trying, thinking I just wasn't trying hard enough. So I guess I'm just spiritually defective. Now I'm reading about the Baha'is in Even Prison in Iran, saving half their dinners to eat before dawn in the morning, and asking the friends to say the prayers for fasting on their behalf. Now I feel even worse.

My cold has gotten worse today, my second of two days off work. Temperature 103 F. I called off work. I'm just grateful to my dear husband, cooking rice and lentils with raw onions on top, sauteed onions and mushrooms, with tomatoes both cooked and raw.

I imagine this is an opportunity to exercise humility. It was really too much the other day in a social setting, talking about our Pilgrimage; eventually I get acutely uncomfortable talking about me, me, me. Also, thinking about how my sense of my worth has decreased abruptly with our Pilgrimage: I think this is an opportunity to exercise more detachment. For those in the know, read the final paragraphs from "Stories From the Delight of Hearts," by Haji Mirza Haydar Ali, where this dear soul, this spiritual giant, mentions his lack of spiritual qualities.