Fire and Light: Vengeance and Mercy, Part One

I like to focus on two basic themes in Weaner Pigs: inward versus outward reality, and my journey as a Baha'i. Lately I've written a lot about the various crises I'm experiencing in what seems to be a crossroads in my life. In 2005 I was divorced after 29 years marriage with a person not enrolled in nor interested in the Baha'i Faith.

That year I lost my marriage, lost my job, and my father was moved to Tacoma into a dementia unit and later died. I took the course, "Clara Dunn Academy", which is very intense. I also hooked up with a friend from my childhood who convinced me he was the love of my life, even though he is an atheist, bipolar, alcoholic and suicidal. [Thank God that is over!] The same year, my cat died, taken apart by pit bulls. Also, my daughter was married and I sold my house and bought a new one together with my daughter and son-in-law, who were in college.

This year I'm in my second year of marriage [I think; actually, I've lost track!] to the actual love of my life; I'm in my second Charge Nurse job since I lost my job at Gentiva, my daughter attempted suicide in January, we went on Pilgrimage in February, my daughter's marriage just broke up, the economy has tanked, and I now hold two interest-only loans worth more than the current value of our house. Whee!

Sometimes I think, not only am I on a crossroads, I'm in the crosshairs.

People sometimes wonder that I just keep on going, in the middle of this maelstrom. I couldn't do it without prayer, the love and support of my friends and family, and the knowledge that there really is no alternative. And also the knowledge that tests come from two main sources: my choices, and God.